hold the gravy

I'm feeling pretty proud of myself. I've finally gotten out of that 163 weight slump and I'm sitting at 156. Still not where I want to be, but hey my pants fit! I feel this needs to be documented.

I've developed not a diet, but a slight "lifestyle change" and so far I haven't felt too deprived of the amazingly awful greasy food from days of yore. And just saying that makes me really miss fries.

For breakfast it's usually two small cans of low sodium v8 juice and a greek yogurt with cinnamon. Really good, and on days I'm feeling freaky I'll have cinnamon raisen toast as well. Lunch is usually a salad, but on the occasion our work cafeteria has a burrito available I will tend to pick that. I have to have something spicy! Dinner Zachary and I have been doing really well, but I have to say that pasta will always be my weekness. I've cut way back but it usually creeps in about once a week, but we go for either whole grain, organic or fiber-packed so I at least feel better about that. Lots of chicken and protien which definitely helps me to feel full, and sometimes I'll do another greek yogurt for dessert, with either cinnamon or some granola. I effing love granola. I'll try to squeeze in two cups of green tea as well, for metabolisms sake.

Now that it's starting to work and I'm starting to feel more comfortable, it's easier. That plateau almost did me in, I thought I was just going to be stuck forever. I'll have to see how it goes but I am optimistic.

So tonight I'll probably have fries.

the incredible or not so journey

I've felt like blogging for a few days about some thoughts that I just have rolling around in my head, but I've found it hard to put into words.

I've finally gotten to a point where I am starting to get comfortable with myself. Comfortable with my little quirks and oddities, some of which people find annoying, but I'm referring to them as charming in the future.

Weight loss is hard. As someone who has always struggled with my weight, its never been that hard to lose it when push comes to shove. I just eat salads for a few weeks and voila, there goes 7 pounds. Not this time, I'm afraid.

The last time I wrote I'd finally hit 170 which for my frame is not good. This kicked me into action and I did the salad thing and got to 163. At that point I knew I needed to do more than just diet. I needed to actually change a few things about my habits to keep me from repeating this pattern. I'm almost 27, I want to do a lot of things, hike, travel, be adventurous, and I cannot do this if I am carrying around extra weight.

So at that point I started incorporating healthier meals into my routine. I'd snack on celery instead of a candy bar, I tried a fiber cleanse (which I sucked at, lets be honest). I'd limit my sweets and eating out quite a lot, but I knew I couldn't rule it out completely or I'd never do it, I love food too much. I started yoga, and after all of those changes I did start feeling better.

Only the scale stayed at 163. For about a month. Even with the changes nothing was happening.

Then I started running. I don't know if it was that or the days I did the cleanse or what but all of a sudden there went four pounds (though I'm still not noticing as drastic of a change in how my wardrobe fits, thanks muscle gain). I was elated and very motivated with that.

The hard part for me is keeping up with it. I tend to stay motivated for a while and then without fail, laziness hits. This time it has to be different. This has to be about more than losing weight, it has to be about changing my lifestyle for the better.

Thanks for reading this and those who have offered kind words during my journey. It really does help.

Jord.

i only eat hummus.

I've officially reached 170 lbs, at least that's what the scale says. Highest weight I've ever been, thank you Taco Bell and cafeteria brownies. Funny thing is, I don't exactly look it, I look roughly the same as I do at 150 (which has now become my goal weight).

Sorry that I haven't blogged in forever and now I come back like hey yo I need to lose weight. I just felt compelled.

I've been in a work rut like whoa lately, too. I want to do something more creative with my life though I have absolutely no idea what that is. That make sense, right? I know that eventually when Zack and I settle in a bit more I want to travel and see things. I want to experience life and I have the perfect partner to help me with that.

I also want to finish watching Frasier. I'm Jordan and I have a slight 90's sitcom addition.

Hi Jordan.

i am afraid of burritos

It's true. I now have this inane fear of burritos, or really, anything that isn't "good for me". Stupid diet. I try, I really do. I usually have an apple for breakfast and a salad for lunch and have been good about going to the gym. I can fit into my jeans even and here I'm about to screw it up by eating a burrito. I'm terrified to eat it but I want it so bad.

Not gonna lie, folks, I have that thought almost daily. Ooh that bread bowl looks fantastic I need to ingest it right now, oh wait, it's not carb-free? I hate that I'm so afraid to put some foods in my mouth, even when I've been good with my eating. What is with that mindset? Seriously, do I have to fear every piece of bread or slice of cheese? I understand I need to incorporate more fruits and veggies into my life and eating style and I'm alright with that. I've accepted that. But why do I have to feel like the worst possible person if I eat a freaking skittle?

I can't be the only person that struggles with this so I feel posting it here is a good option. It gives me the chance to be real and vent and even though it won't happen every day, sometimes I just have to get it out there. I'll never be a size two. Hell, I'll never be a size eight again. I will always have that cursed "dancer" thigh. I can't stop liking pizza. The list goes on and on.

I didn't have a burrito today. Mostly because my work served taco salads instead. I did have a taco salad, because it is a salad, even if it's not the best salad. I didn't eat all of the shell and I sparingly ate the cheese, but I ate those beans like it was nobodies business. I need the protein! I now feel bad and wish that I hadn't indulged, but I cannot change what I have done and I really should not feel guilty. I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow and not be able to wear my jeans. I'm afraid I will have go back to leggings being justified as pants because they are the only thing that will fit my waistline. Why can't the term "eat, drink, and be merry" be logical?

In closing for now I am going to eat salads the rest of the week and hey, if I want to steal a skittle from my work neighbors cubicle I totally will and I will try to not let my Catholic guilt get in the way.