lets get retarded in here

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I'm going to talk about running. It's kind of a sore subject for me because I have a huge love/hate relationship with it.

I started running a few weeks ago simply to get back into shape and lose weight. Zack has been running for quite a while and he has fallen in love with it. I've had a lot of pre-conceived misconceptions about running and have never been able to stick with it, I've always given up because it's too hard and I get bored. I thought with the success that Zack was seeing it was time to give it another go.

And I started running (you know, like Forrest Gump).

First I started running to classic rock and then I switched to the Backstreet Boys, mostly so I could sing and do their dance moves on the treadmill while nobody watched. My yoga studio has a "run club" where once a week before class we all meet and run together. I can say it was a big step for me to join that club, mainly because running with people with as little experience as I had intimidated me. But I went and it wasn't nearly as embarrasing as I expected it to be. In fact, I felt motivated, people encouraged me and it felt good.

Now, I run on the treadmill, almost every night, while watching something on my kindle. Honestly, it's a great distraction and I get to watch my stories without bugging Zack so I'm sure he enjoys it as well.

I get frustrated every day. I don't want to do it, I try to give up and sometimes I'll jump off for a minute just to catch my breath. I find it so hard to stay dedicated? Does anyone have any tricks or tips to keep me going? I've started small and slow, I haven't really seen results, but I understand that takes time. It just seems to be such a love of everyones, to run, and I'm not seeing it.

the incredible or not so journey

I've felt like blogging for a few days about some thoughts that I just have rolling around in my head, but I've found it hard to put into words.

I've finally gotten to a point where I am starting to get comfortable with myself. Comfortable with my little quirks and oddities, some of which people find annoying, but I'm referring to them as charming in the future.

Weight loss is hard. As someone who has always struggled with my weight, its never been that hard to lose it when push comes to shove. I just eat salads for a few weeks and voila, there goes 7 pounds. Not this time, I'm afraid.

The last time I wrote I'd finally hit 170 which for my frame is not good. This kicked me into action and I did the salad thing and got to 163. At that point I knew I needed to do more than just diet. I needed to actually change a few things about my habits to keep me from repeating this pattern. I'm almost 27, I want to do a lot of things, hike, travel, be adventurous, and I cannot do this if I am carrying around extra weight.

So at that point I started incorporating healthier meals into my routine. I'd snack on celery instead of a candy bar, I tried a fiber cleanse (which I sucked at, lets be honest). I'd limit my sweets and eating out quite a lot, but I knew I couldn't rule it out completely or I'd never do it, I love food too much. I started yoga, and after all of those changes I did start feeling better.

Only the scale stayed at 163. For about a month. Even with the changes nothing was happening.

Then I started running. I don't know if it was that or the days I did the cleanse or what but all of a sudden there went four pounds (though I'm still not noticing as drastic of a change in how my wardrobe fits, thanks muscle gain). I was elated and very motivated with that.

The hard part for me is keeping up with it. I tend to stay motivated for a while and then without fail, laziness hits. This time it has to be different. This has to be about more than losing weight, it has to be about changing my lifestyle for the better.

Thanks for reading this and those who have offered kind words during my journey. It really does help.

Jord.