i am afraid of burritos

It's true. I now have this inane fear of burritos, or really, anything that isn't "good for me". Stupid diet. I try, I really do. I usually have an apple for breakfast and a salad for lunch and have been good about going to the gym. I can fit into my jeans even and here I'm about to screw it up by eating a burrito. I'm terrified to eat it but I want it so bad.

Not gonna lie, folks, I have that thought almost daily. Ooh that bread bowl looks fantastic I need to ingest it right now, oh wait, it's not carb-free? I hate that I'm so afraid to put some foods in my mouth, even when I've been good with my eating. What is with that mindset? Seriously, do I have to fear every piece of bread or slice of cheese? I understand I need to incorporate more fruits and veggies into my life and eating style and I'm alright with that. I've accepted that. But why do I have to feel like the worst possible person if I eat a freaking skittle?

I can't be the only person that struggles with this so I feel posting it here is a good option. It gives me the chance to be real and vent and even though it won't happen every day, sometimes I just have to get it out there. I'll never be a size two. Hell, I'll never be a size eight again. I will always have that cursed "dancer" thigh. I can't stop liking pizza. The list goes on and on.

I didn't have a burrito today. Mostly because my work served taco salads instead. I did have a taco salad, because it is a salad, even if it's not the best salad. I didn't eat all of the shell and I sparingly ate the cheese, but I ate those beans like it was nobodies business. I need the protein! I now feel bad and wish that I hadn't indulged, but I cannot change what I have done and I really should not feel guilty. I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow and not be able to wear my jeans. I'm afraid I will have go back to leggings being justified as pants because they are the only thing that will fit my waistline. Why can't the term "eat, drink, and be merry" be logical?

In closing for now I am going to eat salads the rest of the week and hey, if I want to steal a skittle from my work neighbors cubicle I totally will and I will try to not let my Catholic guilt get in the way.