i drank all of my tabs for a family wedding

So in my family (on the in-law side) I am known as the girl with the Tab in her hand. I carried a Tab instead of a bouquet at my wedding lunch with them, I always bring them to dinner and try to convert, and at the family wedding we had last Friday I drank 3 of them to tie to the back of the bride and grooms car. I also learned that the Groom has recently taken a liking to the soft drink.

Mission accomplished.

my fat jeans and the road to the number 150

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Pump up the jam.

Okay, I'll admit it, I've been trying to diet during the holidays. Blasphemous, right? I don't care, I really need to lose some pounds. I suppose it is taboo for a lady to reveal her own weight but again, I don't care. I hit the 165 mark after Thanksgiving. To some, this is enormous to others it's their goal weight. For me, it's just enough to get me to stop eating bacon.

I feel really thin at 145, but I'd be happy at 150. It's fine for my height though my doctor would still tell you that I was obese. I just needed to drop 15 pounds to still be obese, how does that happen? I'm sorry, but I would look like a skeleton if I weighed any lower than 145, I've been there and it's gross. I'm not really vain, I just would like to be able to fit into even my stretchy jeans.

I bought some jeggings a few months ago in a size 10. I never thought I'd be a 10 and I must say I'm really comfortable being in double digits. I don't think I look fat, which is what can really get to me. Some days I look fantastic, others I feel like you can see the dimples in my stomach through my shirt. It's so frustrating that the scale can make me feel like I'm huge and I don't actually look it. Now like I said, I bought some jeggings which if you're not familiar, are stretchy jeans. I bought three pairs, all of which felt comfortable. Now, after eating too much turkey over the course of three days I can only fit into one pair. This really saddens me because I threw all of my old jeans away when I purchased these jeggings because I was optimistic and they ruled. Now I can only wear leggings which people say should not be worn as pants. Mine are thick enough that I feel comfortable breaking this rule, though I still feel like I look like I'm wearing pajamas when I go to work. So far my co-workers have been kind enough not to say anything.

The thing with the jeggings is that they don't have a fly, so all I can do is undo the top button to relieve the pressure on my waistline. It's annoying. I used to have this trick which I will swear to any deity that I invented. I would take an elastic hair band, thread it through the hole in my jeans in which the button would normally go through, to make a loop and then twist the loop around the button. It was stretchy and amazing. I found out years later that several people are familiar with this and I did not invent it, but I at least did in my head. It is a nice temporary fix but I'm afraid my Thanksgiving binge is too much for even the elastic.

I just really want to be able to fit into my jeans, that's all I ask. I don't care if I look like a stick figure or if I have a flat stomach. I've never had a flat stomach and I don't ever plan to, and I'm okay with that. I have no need to show off my stomach, modest is hottest. I just want to not have to breath with difficulty when I am sitting down, or have to wear six tank tops underneath my shirt to hold in the ripples. I really just want to feel comfortable in the clothes that I already own, including the jeggings, but it's hard when I really want to eat pizza all the time.

I've made myself a rule at work: an apple for breakfast except on Wednesdays when the cafeteria (yes, I go to work at a place that treats us like a school) serves biscuits and gravy. Because I am carb-conscious I substitute the biscuit with hashbrowns (I realize that hashbrowns still have carbs). And I get not one, but two orders. That's right, a full to-go container of gravy and hashbrowns. This may gross some folks out but it's the one food vice I have on ANY diet. My place of business also has an excellent Mexican lunch menu on Tuesdays and there are times which I cannot pass that up either. So for breakfast every day but Wednesday I eat an apple. For lunch on every day but Tuesday I have a salad. Then when I come home I have slightly more freedom because I played it safe during the day. It takes a bit of time to see the weight drop off but it eventually always does.

I hate to exercise and nothing you say will change my mind. This is somewhat hilarious to me because I used to be a dancer. I would take lessons four nights a week for four hours a night and I still had a pudgy belly, this is how I know it will never go away, believe me, I've tried. After I stopped dancing I lost the ability to want to work out. I tried running, I get bored. For three months straight when I was 22 I was hitting the gym five days a week to take classes, that got old fast. Now, my only workout is reaching across the bed for either popcorn or the xbox remote. I've accepted I have a hard time working out, so if I want to lose weight and fit into my jeans again it has to come from food.

I think I've already established that I love food, so the method I'm currently trying with the apples and the salads is a hard one, though I know it won't last forever. In no time I'll be back to eating my fast food, but at least then I can only worry about portion control and only eat half of my Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese. And if worse comes to worse then I'll have salads for lunch for a week. Hopefully this will become a positive experience and I will reach my goal weight of 150 after the start of the year.

Believe it or not, this post has made me really hungry and we have pizza in the fridge. I will admit that today I had my double helping of hashbrowns and gravy but I did not have a salad for lunch, I had half of a bacon cheeseburger. I feel because I had half I can indulge in some pizza. I feel as if I've earned that right and I will proceed to lay out my leggings for tomorrow.

Hey, at least Tab is a diet soda, am I right?

to the tea, baby

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Lately, we in the Shutt household have become obsessed with tea. I'm not really sure what started it, but it seems that at least three times a day myself or my husband will put the kettle on the burner and wait for the high-pitched whistle which signifies that the water is hot enough to turn the little smelly baggy into a delicious beverage.

Excuse me while I brew some now. Ahem.

I use it as an excuse to not drink Tab. After the incident in which half-asleep Jordan woke up in the middle of the night to take the dog out and then proceeded to pound not one but three cans of Tab, I knew I needed some sort of intervention. I wasn't really addicted to Tab, I never had it inserted with a needle into my veins or anything, but three, one after another, in one sitting was enough for me to realize that I could potentially have a problem. The following day I opened my refrigerator and glared at my box of Tab with distaste.

"Oh Tab, I love you so, however I think at this point I must give you up for at least a short period of time. I am too embarrassed by my actions to even look you in the face." I knew Tab understood, and I felt relief knowing that no one in their right mind would touch that box of Tab while I recovered because most people I know find it disgusting.

After I closed the door I filled up my kettle with water and turned the front burner on high. I waited, and waited, and waited, etc. I almost forgot I had something on the stove until that familiar whistle screeched over the episode of Home Improvement I was currently engrossed in. I made my way to the kitchen and removed the kettle from the burner. I then had a very important choice to make, which flavor should I choose?

We'd had some tea in our house for a while, but it rarely was used. I was half surprised to see that the boxes had not expired (which now poses the question, does tea expire? This I still don't know). I had three flavors to choose from: peppermint, chamomile or black chai spice. I selected the peppermint.

This started an obsession for me. I made cup after cup of the minty tea, it felt so good rushing down my throat and I was so excited to finish the box so I had an excuse to buy more. Shortly after my obsession began, my husband started making himself a cup with the remaining water I'd left in the kettle after I was finished. This started him on the road to tea obsessiveness. So much that he started asking me if I'd like a cup when he decided to brew one for himself. Then we started buying.

It started with green tea, and then some vanilla chai. Then we delved into black tea and then lemon tea. We were finding there were so many flavors we wanted, no, needed to try.

I found myself at Wal-mart at eight o'clock on a Wednesday evening a few weeks before Christmas. I was dressed in my appropriate Wal-Mart attire: black dance pants, fuzzy boots, a crocheted shall and a sweatshirt, and I was ready for an invigorating evening of grocery shopping. This all changed when I got to the breakfast aisle. We were out of coffee so that was my first priority until I discovered their selection of tea. Oh, how I was ecstatic! There were flavors I hadn't even dreamed of before! They had fruit flavors like peach and wild berry! They had holiday flavors, sugar cookie sleigh ride and candy cane lane. I was intrigued by the candy cane lane box, with its red and white candies adorning the box. I figured, where peppermint was currently my flavor or choice, this had to be a step up. So I threw the one lonely tea box into my cart and payed for my merchandise.

I made the tea as soon as I got home and I cannot even tell you how much I enjoyed that Christmasy goodness. I honestly think I was transported into a magical land of elves and pine trees and laughter. It was fantastic, so much that I had six cups that first night. The next day I came home to find the box almost empty. My husband had found a new favorite flavor as well.

I went to Target that afternoon to try and purchase another box. To my dismay, the little space on the shelf labelled "candy cane lane" was empty. After three other stores I had been met with the same site, all empty. I did try to drown my sorrows in a box of sugar cookie sleigh ride but it just wasn't the same (re: it was repulsive). I still have not been able to find a store that wasn't sold out of the flavor, and I probably will not be able to get it until next year unless I decide to buy it online (and yes, I have considered this, it's just about two dollars more than it is in the store, oh curse you)!

For Christmas, our family was met with several new flavors to try, including those of the fruit variety, some amazing vanilla recommended to us by a friend, and the classic earl grey I've been dying to try since it's what Captain Picard drinks and he is a badass. At this point I have no excuse to buy tea, at all, and the other day I did come home with a box of chai because we were out and my husband just hung his head. He knows I have a problem, or better yet, that we have a problem, and he understands my condition.

I've been getting better and my Tab is no longer neglected though I still am struggling with the fact that we had a tryst late one night that I am still not proud of. I have to find a balance in my life between the two because I completely cannot live without both, however I realize that if I want to wake up in the middle of the night and down some tea, it will not be as easy, since I will probably fall asleep before the water boils and then where would I be?

Tab, you have me there.

thug life

I have to show you what makes life happy. Podcasting and enjoying some Tab.