VERSUS // telethons: full house vs saved by the bell

In all honestly there are about 39029 comparisons I could do between these shows alone. I'll probably hit them all eventually but I am trying to spread them out so that things don't get tedious. Thank you for listening.

It was rather common in the 90's to have telethons. Sometimes you need to get a bunch of dough for an important (or semi-important) cause and the only way to do it is with some entertainment and a lot of phones and I can already tell you who the winner is here (because they had talented people and children and connections who will work for free) but just for kicks lets see. Both in 1990 just a few months shy of one another Saved by the Bell hosted a radio-thon in Save The Max (S02E03 according to IMDB but everyone knows the actual order and air dates of SBTB are a myth) and then Full House's Our Very First Telethon (S03E24) was a wonderful closer to that season.



Plot

The reason for the "-thon" in Saved By The Bell is that their beloved hangout joint The Max is going to be turned into a parking lot of the owner doesn't come up with $10,000 in back rent. The Max is owned by the school board so they hold a radio-athon, utilizing their newly discovered school radio station to get people to raise money. Consider they're in dire straights they use their own radio personalities to entertain the crowd. Lisa talks gossip, screech pulls out his impression of Al Bundy and Mr. Belding reincarnates his alter-ego The Big Bopper but despite all of that they're still doming up short. In the end, it is their boring sportscaster Slater that comes in, pumps everyone up and motivates the crowd so that they meet and barely surpass their goal.

Full House hosts a telethon to raise money for children in need. They have a much heftier goal of $1,000,000 in a 24-hour period. Danny Tanner and Rebecca Donaldson of Wake Up, San Francisco are in charge of hosting and they have a slew of actual talent lined up: Jesse and the Rippers, Joey's comedy routine, each of the daughters doing a little something but for them the clincher is Mike Love of the Beach Boys stopping in last minute to sing Be True To Your School and help them surpass their goal as well!

Characters



Zack Morris vs Danny Tanner - The Ring-leader. Zack. I mean, he doesn't totally fall asleep like Danny does. He comes close, but he dozes for only a mere moment instead of entire segments.



Joey Gladstone vs Screech Powers - The Comic Relief. Sorry Screech, Joey for this one. He has a legitimate act prepared, granted that's career. And his impression of Steven Tyler will never not be hilarious.

The Breakdown
The reason we're here. It's kind of hard to rate this one. Saving children or saving a place that feels like a second home to many? Now seriously you're probably going wow you're an asshole if you don't vote for children but here me out. Slater has moved around for a long time and for the most part when he arrived at Bayside Zack tried to send him packing. It didn't work and Slater started feeling like he belonged. I have a soft spot for that so I'm going with Saved By The Bell here. I have to.

The entertainment. I can't not go with Full House on this one. Sure they have connections and probably a budget, otherwise all these talented folks are willing to work for free (well, it is for the children after all). And plus, Kimmy Gibbler rode her unicycle.

The final kick. I'm going rogue. Saved By The Bell gets this one. I mean for real. Yes, a Beach Boy showed up and rocked out and that was pretty epic, but the downtrodden sportscaster that was all but kicked in the face before being kicked to the curb shows up because hello, it's his second home, and rallies the troops to wake the hell up and save the Max! He looks at that microphone like he is speaking to all the other bad sportscasters out there as if to say "this one is for you." I have to respect that.


Full House only by 1??? What kind of situation is this, I thought they'd have it by a landslide, but oh I like surprises.

VERSUS // we're taking a train: sex and the city vs how i met your mother

I reached for this one, honestly. Probably because I really wanted to watch this episode of Sex and the City if we're being honest and I thought "ooh, trains!" and it was born.

TRAINS. Sex and the City took a trip to San Fran for a book tour in S05e11 The Big Journey and then How I Met Your Mother took a train to Long Island in S07E16 The Drunk Train.



Plot

In Sex and the City, as a part of her book tour, Carrie must adventure to San Francisco, way way way across the country. Instead of taking a plane like a normal human being, she opts for a long, several-day train ride. She drags the bored to tears Samantha along and soon find out that the train adventure is not what it seems. Carrie pops a zit, almost doesn't meet up with Big (one of her main reasons for agreeing to travel that far) and gets avoided at a bachelor party.

Now for How I Met Your Mother Barney feels that Ted owes him a favor so they hop upon the drunk train...the last train from Manhattan to Long Island that houses all of the drunks coming home from the city. Barney needs this adventure because he's recently met Quinn and has been very rejected. Ted realizes he doesn't really need to find the one and just wants to have fun until he (again) realizes he is still in love with Robin (aren't they all?).

Characters



Carrie Bradshaw vs Barney Stinson - the reason. This one is rather tough. Carrie isn't as excited as Barney is, however she has a longer journey to endure. For the sake of that, and the fact that she doesn't force Samantha into coming, just begs, it goes to Carrie.



Samantha Jones vs Ted Mosby - the tagalong. Again, tough. Samantha is on board until about 5 minutes in. Ted on the other hand is off board and then becomes on board. So Ted, I'll give it to you.

Breakdown

The Suggestion - Carrie uses Samantha's boredom as a bargaining tool and it totally works. Barney uses blackmail and it also totally works. Because I believe in subtle manipulation, Sex and the City for the win.

The Ride - Both train rides are hell but I would say without a stutter that the drunk train is worse. Sure, small quarters, a zit, a bachelor party full of faithful dudes sounds unappealing but compare all of that with drunk Jersey Shore kids and you've got a winner with HIMYM.

The Destination - Carrie gets to go to San Francisco to read from her PUBLISHED book of essays and see her longtime love Mr. Big. Barney gets to get laid. I'm taking the classy road with Sex and the City.

The winner here is Sex and the City and I'm not at all surprised. LADIES.

VERSUS // the guest star: seinfeld vs friends

For this versus I'm putting the focus on the guest star rather than similarity in the plot line. Let's change it up a bit, why not? I had a couple of choices in actors when it came to this sitcom. Jon Lovitz, Kristin Davis. I was originally going to go with Maggie Wheeler but then I realized that where Janice is one of my favorite characters ever from Friends there is no way that it wouldn't win. So I went a little less biased and chose Christine Taylor.

She was on both shows the same year (1997). In Seinfeld S08E14 The Van Buren Boys she played Ellen, Jerry's "boring" date. A few weeks later during Friends S03E24 The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion she played Phoebe's friend Bonnie that used to be bald, now is not, and she went on a date with Ross. She was also seen in S03E25 The One At The Beach and S04E01 The One With The Jellyfish.



Plot

Focusing on the Christine's character, in Seinfeld she is first seen on a first date with Jerry. When he asks if she would like some dessert she tells him that she probably should have a piece of cake because it is her birthday. First date, she picked the day. They have a few more dates and when they run into two of her acquaintances they "thank" Jerry for taking her out, just because. She checks her messages, doesn't have any. Kramer and George dub her to be boring. Of course, Jerry's parents like her which should be the tip off. After that their relationship is no more.

With Friends there were three total episodes of her story arc. Phoebe asked Rachel if she could set Ross up with her friend Bonnie, the bald one. Rachel agrees but then regrets it when she realizes that Bonnie no longer bald, but fun and beautiful and has a full head of hair. Ross and Bonnie hit it off, so when the whole group goes on a little vacation to the beach she tags along. She's super outgoing and likes to take risks and Rachel easily convinces her that she should go bald again as a ploy to get back with Ross. It totally works and Bonnie awkwardly leaves the beach house and the relationship.


Characters



Ellen vs Bonnie - The Christine Taylor. I don't like Bonnie. I said it. She seems nice and okay but also really annoying and hard to please. I don't think we would get along (and no this isn't because of Ross and Rachel though obviously Team Rachel). I like Ellen, she doesn't deserve the talk about her she receives.



Jerry vs Ross - The date. Jerry. Okay so Ross likes Bonnie, and that's great but obviously not enough to like her bald. The second that happens he's done. Jerry on the other hand is kind of always on the fence and even though we don't actually see the break up, he just ends it when he realizes he's done instead of playing along. Good man.

Breakdown
The personality - Bonnie has a lot more of it, she should probably share some with Ellen, but I am in Seinfeld's corner for this. She seems honestly like a sweet person and I feel really bad she keeps getting called "boring" and "loser". She's just polite.
The relationship - Friends definitely gave the relationship more of a shot, we got to see her character in a few different situations so I'll will go with them.
The friends - I would say Friends again here, even with Rachel plotting against her, Bonnie seems to be more well-received all around.

Seinfeld is the winner here and I truly thought it would be Friends especially with three episodes dedicated to the character. Guess you can't win 'em all.

VERSUS // the gay surprise: the golden girls vs the golden girls

Now it pretty much goes without saying that The Golden Girls embraced the gay culture on their series before many did, especially in the 80's/90's. They had two episodes revolving around the topic so they were the ideal subject to pick for this weeks comparison.

In S02E05 Isn't It Romantic, Dorothy's college friend Jean comes to visit after her long-time partner Pat dies, and develops feelings for Rose. Later during S04E09 Scared Straight, Blanche's brother Clayton visits and gives Blanche some important news: he is gay. Later in the series, Season 6 he also brings his fiance Doug to meet Blanche, but maybe we'll visit that if I ever do a gay wedding versus.



Plot

I've never understood why the episode is called Isn't It Romantic. I mean I kind of get it but it isn't a title that I could look at and go "oh, I know exactly what one this is". Regardless, in season 2, Dorothy's college friend Jean stops by for a visit after her partner Pat passes away. We don't know this right away because Dorothy is really good at being vague (yep, she would have been one of those Facebook updaters, actually no she wouldn't have, she's badass) but Jean is a lesbian and Pat was her wife. Upon arrival Sophia and Blanche soon find out but they keep Rose in the dark, mainly because they aren't sure she'll even know was a lesbian is. During her stay Jean discovers she is starting to have feelings for Rose and after telling Dorothy she should probably leave, is encouraged to stay. Rose is still oblivious and after a late night of playing cards she invites Jean to stay in her room so she doesn't wake up a sleeping Dorothy. Before they fall asleep Jean is able to confess to Rose that she's into her while Rose pretends to be asleep. The next morning before Jean departs she and Rose have a heart to heart and agree to stay friends.

The tables are a bit different when Blanche's brother Clayton comes to visit after his divorce. Blanche tries to set him up with numerous women but he never seems interested. After one particular date Clayton runs into Rose in the park. She tries to help him find someone that suits him but after several women walk by without even a nod from Clayton he perks up at the sight of an attractive dude. Rose thinks he's kidding but he admits to her that he is gay. He doesn't want to tell Blanche because he's worried how she will react. When Blanche does finally ask him why he isn't interested in any of his prospects he tells her he slept with Rose. She gets upset and finally after seeing how mean she is to Rose, Clayton steps up and tells her that he is gay. Sophia had already figured it out by asking him a few easy questions, Dorothy was told by Rose but at first mistakenly though she had been told that Clayton is a hobo. Clayton leaves Blanche alone to gather herself and accept what he's told her, she tracks him down at what she thinks is a gay bar and they reconcile and everything is okay.

Characters



Jean vs Clayton - The Gay. Jean is a lot more open about her sexuality and doesn't seem to have really any reason to hide who she is. Clayton on the other hand is still figuring out where he fits and definitely needs the support of family. I can't say who is the better gay, that would be stupid. I will say however just for the sake of his vulnerability I'm going to go with Clayton on this one.



Dorothy vs Rose - The Support. Both Dorothy and Rose offer their support to their respective gay in different ways. Dorothy tries to keep Jean's secret to protect her and Rose takes the brunt of Clayton's false accusations. I will give this to Rose, I probably would have flipped out on Clayton if I had been her.



Rose vs Blanche - The Surprise. While in the end both Jean and Clayton were accepted, it took Blanche a bit longer. She isn't at fault, that's a big thing to accept but the fact that Rose was really casual and accepting form the get-go means she gets this one.

Breakdown

The coming out. I'll say Season 4. Jean was sweet doing it in her sleep but for the most part she was already out. Clayton was clearly nervous to tell his sister and worry if it would change her feelings towards him. That was bold, good for him.

The acceptance. It will probably seem weird I'm going with Season 4 on this, especially when above I gave this to Rose, but in this case I think the Season 4 episode showed things in a less comfortable light which oftentimes is how it can go, and also shows how important acceptance and tolerance is.

There we have it, Season 4, Scared Straight definitely shines in this. We could learn something.

VERSUS // stuck in the mall: saved by the bell vs the oc

*giving honorary mention to Dawson's Creek because Joey and Pacey once got stuck in a freaking Kmart.

These two shows probably couldn't be more different, but when you think about it they're actually the same. High school group of friends....well, really that's it. But regardless, it was fun and rather hard to compare these two. Sure the gist is the same but the plot is NOT. We have from Saved By The Bell All In The Mall (S03E16) and The OC The Mallpisode (S02E15).

So lets do it.



Plot
With Saved By The Bell the episode is entirely set in the Bayside mall. The kids are making Screech sleep in line to get U2 tickets. Of course he fails and steps out of line. Turns out that the show is is huge they've added a second concert so they all decide to stay over to ensure they get tickets. Funny thing is, to kill time beforehand while shopping, Lisa stumbles upon a bag full of money. They put it to good use, promising to pay it back as soon as they buy a ton of U2 tickets to sell for a big profit. Before the mall closes they feel like they're being followed. They fail to get the tickets again, they realize they actually are being tracked and that they are on totally hidden video!!! Their prize? U2 tickets of course.

Now The OC takes an entirely different route. Ryan is depressed after losing Lindsay, Seth tries to cheer him up by inviting him to the mall with Summer and Marissa to help with a clothing drive. Marissa is more than thrilled to accompany Summer because she is annoyed with her life with Alex. They show up at the mall, do their thing and the smart salesgirl locks up shop before they have a chance to leave. They call their family and some make up stories and some tell the truth, so they make the most of their time playing indoor hockey. Soon enough the cops show up and they are able to escape while no one is the wiser.

Characters



Zack Morris vs Ryan Atwood - the tough guy. I would have to side with Zack on this one. Ryan does a good job of being calm, but Zack is far more brave. He will risk everything for that money, granted sometimes putting his friends at risk but whatever.



Lisa Turtle vs Summer Roberts - the mall lover. This is tough because both actively love the mall. I think Lisa's love runs a bit deeper however I'm going with Summer on this because not only does she have a passion for fashion, but she is there to help with a clothing drive for a women's shelter. How selfless!



AC Slater vs Seth Cohen - the sidekick. I feel like in this, Slater is the better sidekick. It's almost annoying how on Preppy's side he is. He never waivers from his Zack-love unless Kapowski is involved.



Kelly Kapowski vs Marissa Cooper - the voice of reason. Okay I kind of reached for this category, I'll admit but I couldn't leave Kelly out which means I couldn't leave Marissa out. It's Kelly. She wins. Because she is Kelly Kapowski and she is always the voice of reason.
Sorry Screech.


Breakdown
The Reason - I would say The OC. Sure, staying over for a concert is ballsy but again with the selflessness helping the women's shelter. You win Summer!

Sleeping arrangements - Well they both camp, and I'll give this one to The OC as well, mainly because they have the fake fire and everything. Its different than sleeping in a tent in the sporting goods store.

Getting caught - Saved By The Bell. Evading capture is great and all, but getting caught AND winning concert tickets? You can't beat that.

So there you have it, Saved By The Bell by one whole point! Lets go see U2!

VERSUS // home alone vs home alone 2

It's really not the holiday season unless one (or both) of these movies gets a viewing in my household, and I'd be hard-pressed to find people that don't agree. You can have your Christmas Vacation, this was MY holiday go-to as a kid. The plots are quite close, however the settings are drastically different. Let's compare these Christmas classics.



Plot

In the first Home Alone, the McCallister's are heading to Paris, France to spend their Christmastime. After a fight with his older brother Buzz, Kevin retreats to the third floor where he wishes his family would just disappear. During their sleepy time a power outage resets the clocks and the whole house oversleeps. In the interim of getting the entire family into the vans they forget Kevin upstairs and don't realize they have left him behind until they're in the air. When Kevin wakes up and realizes that his family is gone he believes that his wish has come true. He starts to fend for himself as his family frantically tries to get home, but to no avail. Kevin has to deal with his scary recluse neighbor and a pair of burglars known as the Wet Bandits. He tries to trick them into thinking that his family is home but eventually they realize that he is there by himself. In the meantime his mother has gotten a flight back to the states but still can't get one into Chicago where Kevin is. She meets up with a polka band who graciously offers to drive her back to her son. Kevin decides to go to church to hear the choir perform and meets up with his neighbor only to realize that he's actually a really sweet man. He's had a falling out with his son and doesn't get to see his granddaughter as much as he would like so he came to the church to hear her sing in the choir. Kevin suggests that he make amends, it is the holidays, after all. When Kevin arrives home he realizes that the burglars have picked that night to rob his house. He sets a series of booby traps to try and get rid of the guys and they fall for every one. He finally calls the police and tries to run but the bandits get him. It is then that his neighbor intervenes and the two robbers are arrested. The next morning, Christmas, Kevin realizes that his family is still gone and he wishes for them back. At just that moment his mother arrives back home, and the rest of the family soon follow. Kevin notices his neighbor reuniting with his son as well so everyone gets to be back with their families for Christmas.

Now in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York the family is planning to take a vacation in Miami. You would think they would learn the first time and just stay home but alas. The alarm gets unplugged and everyone oversleeps again but makes it to the airport on time, including Kevin. Kevin needs some batteries for his talk boy so he asks his dad for his backpack. He then loses his dad running through the airport but finds him at the boarding gate. Too bad it's not his dad and he boards a plane headed for New York, not Miami. The family realizes Kevin is missing when they hit baggage claim. Kevin arrives in New York complete with his dads credit cards so he decides to book himself a hotel room to try and figure out what to do. He takes in some sights and in Central Park he sees a scary bag lady covered in pigeons. Little does he know that the formerly wet, now sticky bandits have broken out of prison and escaped to New York as well. Since Kevin has a lot of cash from his dads backpack he takes a limo tour of the city and ends up at a toy store. He meets the owner there who tells him how all of the sales from Christmas go to a children's hospital. He gives Kevin a gift of two turtle doves and says he needs to share them with a special friend. Kevin runs into the bandits and they find out where he has been staying. Because his parents have reported the credit cards as stolen the hotel confronts Kevin. He tries to run but is apprehended by the bandits, but soon escapes after they reveal they're planning to rob the toy store. Kevin's family travels to New York after the tip that is where the cards were used. Kevin is confronted by the pigeon lady and hears of her lonely life, he vows to be her friend. Kevin has an uncle that lives in New York so he finds his townhouse. He rigs it with traps and then seeks out the bandits at the toy store. He throws a brick through the window and leads the bandits back to the townhouse where he unleashes the traps on them. The pair corner Kevin and trap him, then take him to the park where they plan to kill him. Pigeon lady is there and her pigeons create a diversion so that Kevin can escape and set off the fireworks he had to notify the police, and they're arrested once again. The toy store owner finds the brick with a note attached from Kevin that lets him in on what has happened. His mother seeks out her son and remembers how much he loves Christmas trees, remembering how he complained about Miami's lack of them. She finds him at Rockafeller Center where they are reunited. The toy store sends a bunch of gifts for the family and they all make peace. Kevin returns to the park to give the pigeon lady his other turtle dove.



Characters
Chicago Kevin McCallister and New York Kevin McCallister - the lost boy. Now Kevin is obviously the same person in both movies, but he does evolve a bit so that counts right? Overall I tend to root for New York Kevin. It's one thing to set up that entire entrapment in your own, familiar home but when you can pull that off in an unfamiliar city, that's pretty impressive.



Old Man Marley and Pigeon Lady - the scary one turned friend. It's nice that despite all of the stress Kevin has to deal with over the holidays Kevin can make a friend in an unsuspecting person. I think befriending your neighbor that you've been terrified of for years is a little more impressive than the Pigeon lady you just met so I'm going to have to go with Old Man Marley on this one.

Breakdown
The night before - Both are complete clusters, but I find the family a bit more degrading in the original movie. I understand that Kevin is a little annoying kid but they're just downright mean to him sometimes, and not just his cousins and siblings, but adults, too.

The realization - Aren't both pretty much the same? I will give it to original Home Alone simply for the fact that they were airborne when they made the discovery that Kevin was missing and had to wait the entire rest of the flight before they were able to do anything about it.

The booby traps - Tie. They were almost all the same! Nothing wrong with that, I was still impressed either way.

The reconciliation - I liked when his mother realized where he would be just by knowing her son. Its one thing to know he's at home and worry, but having him lost in a big city, especially New York? Being able to know where he is based on all of that is really sweet and tender.

There you have it. Most often sequel's lose out to the original but even with that being said I will admit I do find the sequel a bit more entertaining overall. So sue me.

VERSUS // holiday lighting contests: home improvement vs family matters

There are a number of sitcoms that do up Christmas right. So many in fact that it was hard to choose. I finally settled on these two per my love of Christmas lights. I thought no one compared to Tim Taylor in the spirit of this festive competition but I think Carl Winslow may have given him a run for his money.

Home Improvement started the competition in their first season with Yule Better Watch Out (S01E12). In Family Matters seventh season they joined in with Fa La La La Laagghh (S07E11).



Plot

We all know Tim the Tool Man Taylor from Home Improvement. Tim is an avid competitor and also fancies himself a tool connoisseur (why else would he host a tool show?), however this often gets him into trouble. Christmas is no exception. Tim wants to outdo his neighbor, retired physician "Doc Johnson" in the rooftop lighting decorating. While they never speak of an official competition, I'm guessing it's implied. Of course in years past he's been sent to the ER so Jill wants nothing to do with it. He ignores her objections, borrows crap from Wilson (that Wilson didn't already lend to the doctor) and goes about his festivities. Of course he gets his tongue stuck to a hammer, the power goes out a few times, and things get messy. The firefighters only have to come once and in true Taylor/Griswald fashion the lights are spectacular and Tim feels he's dominated. Jill distracts herself with making Randy's costume for the nativity play (he's the Innkeeper until he's demoted to sheep). Meanwhile Mark is starting to not believe in Santa with help from his brothers, Brad and Randy. Jill is upset that her kids are starting to grow up and wants to keep the magic alive just a little bit longer. Wilson dresses as Santa to renew Mark's spirit and the Taylor's realize that Wilson is actually in his yard as Santa leaves, sort of restoring all of their spirits.

Family Matters takes the route of the man of the house, Carl, not really caring much about decorating until he learns from his poker buddies of the $5000 prize for the best roof. Knowing very well that Urkel has wanted to decorate but hates competing (he feels it diminishes the meaning of Christmas) Carl tricks him into decorating anyway to try and win the prize. At the last minute things start to fall apart and Carl and Urkel themselves have to dress up to play the part of Santa and the elves. It's then that Urkel realizes that he's been tricked, only to also realize that their decorations are too heavy and they fall through the roof. Carl apologizes and all is well. Harriet keeps trying to get her kids, Eddie and Laura to help her decorate the tree. It's really important to her but they're growing up and too busy. It takes a talk from Grandma and them being denied her perfect gingerbread cookies for them to accept that this means a lot to their mother and they end up un-decorating and re-decorating the tree to let their mom know that it's special to them as well.

Characters



Tim Taylor vs Carl Winslow - The competitor. Both are pretty aggressive so it's a tough call. I think though I will go with Tim on this one because he doesn't do as much trickery. I mean, he goes behind Jill's back, but I'm pretty confident that she knows he's doing it the whole time. On the other hand, Carl lies to Urkel and Urkel believes him up until the end. NOT COOL.



Jill Taylor vs Harriet Winslow - The sad mother. I will go with Harriet on this one. Jill is sad about her kids, but she is still distracted making costumes for Randy. Harriet's kids are a lot older and they have their own lives. She seems genuinely upset that they aren't in on the festivities with her anymore.



The Taylor kids vs The Winslow kids - The grown-ups. The Winslow kids have this one in the bag. They're too busy to help their poor mother decorate and that's all she asks. They learn the best lesson being jipped their Grandma's cookies. As for the Taylor boys, Randy and Brad don't learn much in terms of a lesson but Mark's Christmas spirit is restored.

Breakdown

The decorating - It has to be Home Improvement. He is the king of this sort of thing, I can't not give it to him. He also had all the props, he didn't have to stand in himself.

The lies - Family Matters. Carl takes the deception to a whole new level with how he tricks Urkel. Like I said, I'm pretty confident that Jill knows what's going on the entire time so there wasn't much of a lie.

The true meaning of Christmas - Home Improvement. Both were really touching but Wilson/Not Wilson showing up at the last minute and even convincing Tim and Jill he was the real Santa? That's a big deal, I almost expected someone's eye to twinkle.

IT IS A TIE. That's okay, both of these were too good to have one winner, so because it's the holidays we'll leave it a tie.

VERSUS // eating disorders: lizzie mcguire vs full house

At this time we go over a very sensitive topic: eating disorders in pre-teen gals on a well-known, family sitcom. There have been a few cases of this and today we tackle not only two of my favorite shows, but two of my favorite female characters.

Full House first covered this with their episode, Shape Up. Years later, Lizzie McGuire took a similar approach with Inner Beauty.



Plot

Both tackled body issues of a young girl and taking matters into their own hands to try and lose weight. Unfortunately this is probably something that's even more relevant today and instead of television shows trying to nip it in the bud, they're glamorizing it instead. And I'm sitting here eating chocolate.

The lovely thing about comparing these two is that in one show the dilemma is with a main character, in the other it's with a supporting character. Granted Full House has a lot more main characters, however it still made things a little more interesting. So beginning with Full House we have DJ Tanner, normal girl of the 90's, struggling with her weight while her younger sister Stephanie takes on the caring and concerned role while finally bringing the situation out into the open. On Lizzie, Lizzie herself is actually the supporter while her friend Miranda is the one at odds with her figure.

We begin with Full House. DJ's best friend Kimmy invites her to the surprise pool birthday party she is throwing for herself. DJ feels self-conscious at the thought of wearing a bathing suit in front of all of her friends, especially standing next to a bird-like Kimmy with a so-called "perfect body". DJ vows that then and there she will take no part in sweets or junk food which slowly (at least in sitcom form) turns into forgoing food altogether. Her younger sister Stephanie starts to notice this when she see's DJ try to give away her ham sandwich to Kimmy (who declines) and ends up feeding it to their dog, Comet. Stephanie confronts DJ, DJ lies (and lies, and lies) and finally DJ pinky swears Stephanie to shut her mouth about the entire thing. She also semi-confides in her Aunt Becky who reminds her that by eating sensibly and getting enough exercise you can lose weight the right way, however DJ needs to drop the pounds in a matter of two weeks before she's ready for this party, hence the non-eating. It doesn't seem to me that it's a control issue for her. DJ simply wants to look good in a bathing suit in front of her friends and then I could even assume that she will go back to eating normally. She does mention wanting to look like models in magazines because they're beautiful and don't have Charlie Brown cheeks, but that's just something that comes and goes. Finally, after a trip to her other sister Michelle's gym (played by the lovely, skeletal Olsen's who will obviously deal with this in later life, they should have re-watched this episode), she overexerts herself on the stair machine and has a dizzy spell in front of everyone. Stephanie tries to speak up but DJ gives her the side-eye and she zips her lip. After she rests a bit the family has a bit of an intervention in the kitchen over Joey's chicken parmesean when Stephanie outs DJ saying she hasn't eaten in three days. They try to force her to eat which causes her to run upstairs and then tell her dad that she has to look good for her friends and that she wants to look like a model. Danny, as he often does, reminds her that she don't know what these models deal with in real life, and tells her a story of him wanting to be the guy that turned into the hulk because he was just an average dude, unlike Danny the giant. Then he realized that he didn't want to be the nerdy guy because whenever he gets angry he has to buy a new t-shirt. DJ realizes that hunger is a powerful thing, and if her friends are really her friends they won't care what she looks like in a bathing suit and scarfs down her food (implied).

Lizzie goes a bit of a different route. Lizzie and Miranda are filming a music video (for a song, I've deduced, they do not sing) directed by their friend Gordo. When they aren't working as hard as he expects them too he makes an off comment about them stuffing their face and they get back to dancing. When Miranda see's some photos that Gordo took of the performance she starts to take Gordo's words to heart because all of a sudden this skinny gal has six chins and fat arms. She decides that she is now on a diet. That day she skips lunch and Lizzie begins getting annoyed with Miranda's response of having a large breakfast. She and Gordo discuss the oddness of that comment coming immediately after her saying she needs to diet. Later that day while rehearsing, Miranda has her dizzy spell after dancing much too hard. She lies to Lizzie's mom about having a huge lunch and Lizzie grows visibly concerned. Miranda gives her the side-eye and Lizzie decides to keep quiet. She tries to confront Miranda and Miranda gets defensive and now they're on the outs. To try and gain some advice Lizzie does the responsible thing. She goes to her mother and describes her "friend" having weight issues. Of course, her mom assumes it's about Lizzie and then Lizzie lets Miranda's name slip. Her mother assures her that if it hasn't blown over in a few days she will do her a solid and talk to Miranda and her mom. At what I think is their final rehearsal for the music video Lizzie tries to talk to Miranda again, with the help of Gordo. This finally gets through to her and she admits that she likes having control over her food. She's been stressed out with not being able to get good grades no matter how hard she studies and now she finally found something that she can steer. She knows it isn't the healthiest route and agrees that she needs to start eating again. After watching the final product of their Britney rip-off classroom music video, Miranda gains the confidence that she needs after realizing she looks outstanding.

Characters



DJ Tanner vs Miranda Sanchez - The under-eater. In this case, purely for the sake of the message I'm going with Miranda. DJ again seemed to have more of a grip on this, doing it for a birthday party, not as a means of control. Miranda experienced what I think a lot of teenage girls start to around her age. Stuff gets hard, boys and classes and everything can really seem overwhelming at that age and one of the easiest things they think of to start controlling is their eating habits. Granted Miranda's disorder lasted about 2 days from what I gathered when DJ's went at least 3, I believe Miranda learned a bigger lesson overall.



Stephanie Tanner vs Lizzie McGuire - The concerned friend/family member. I will give this to Stephanie. Maybe it's a sister thing, but she seemed more concerned. It could also be the 3 day vs the 2 day as well, but she spoke up in front of the entire Tanner family not giving DJ a chance to deny it. What was she going to do, lie to everyone? She probably saved DJ some pain, I think she had more balls than Lizzie, and she was a lot younger too. In Lizzie's defense though, Miranda is a LOT more terrifying than DJ.



Aunt Becky vs Jo McGuire - The helpful adult. Mrs. McGuire takes this, but barely. I feel like Aunt Becky was trying to give DJ options when she didn't know that there was actually a problem, though she did her best. Mrs. McGuire immediately agreed to take action after encouraging Lizzie to try and help her friend as well. She didn't come off as a jerky adult trying to take control of the situation, but also understood that this is a severe issue and would step in if needed.

Breakdown

The deciding moment - As previously mentioned, DJ seems to just want to crash diet in order to look good in swimwear. Who knows if she'll feel this way after? I mean, a few times she talks about wanting to be a model but that's only a part of the big picture. Miranda on the other hand wants control. That's evident when she talks about her grades not being where she wants them to be despite all of her efforts. Food is something she has a handle on. Lizzie has it.

The confrontation - Full House has this. Lizzie definitely makes some good points when confronting Miranda but overall Stephanie shows DJ how concerned she is and DJ just brushes it off. Stephanie calls her out on her lying and everything and DJ really can't respond so she jumps to her own defense as to why she needs to be skinny. Even when Stephanie tells her how important actual food in your stomach is DJ still doesn't get it.

The wow I should start eating again because eating disorders are not cool - It's tough to call honestly, but because no one can resist a good dad speech let's go with Full House. Danny nails it with why DJ is perfect just the way she is, maybe sensing that after the pool party this could turn into a real issue. Maybe he saw it before I did, with his dad-sense (equivalent to Spidey-sense on the Full House level). Good job, Danny. Though Lizzie should get some recognition. Miranda did have a sadder story and the fact that after her day or two of being anorexic was able to decide that controlling something isn't going to bring her peace is a big deal, so you go Glen Coco.

I think overall both shows made their points. Lizzie seemed to have a leg up on pretty much everything expect the supportive sidekick, you can't argue with that sister bond.

VERSUS // death of a pet: futurama vs family guy

Last Sunday, Family Guy lost one of their most beloved (and my favorite) characters. Brian the dog was sadly killed off. It was unexpected and really tragic, though it was not the first time that this has happened in a Sunday night cartoon. Futurama had a similar episode many years back, though it didn't deal with one of the main characters getting offed, but instead with the story of the main character's dog waiting for him to return, not knowing he wouldn't because he was frozen for 1000 years.

I will admit, neither one of these is my go-to cartoon show (I'm more of a King Of The Hill type of gal (NEVER KILL OFF LADYBIRRRRRD) and even The Simpsons and Bob's Burgers hold my heart more)but either way both of these were extremely well cone and will pull at your heart like you've never known. So here is the first ever cartoon edition of versus!



Plot

Futurama obviously takes place in the future. We know that on New Years Eve 1999 Fry was cryogenically frozen while out on a pizza delivery and was woken up 1000 years in the future. This tells the story of the friend that Fry left behind. While living his futuristic life it is discovered that a pizza parlor was found preserved from 1999, the year that Fry disappeared. When he and Bender go to check it out they find that it is the exact parlor and in the fossilized section there sits Fry's old dog Seymour Asses. He met Seymour when he was delivering pizza to a fake customer of the same name. He sat down to eat the pizza himself in an alley only to see the hungry dog whimpering at him. He shared the pizza with the dog and in time they became best friends. On his last delivery (unbeknownst to him) he tells Seymour to wait for him at the parlor. When he doesn't return the dog tries desperately to find him. He goes to his families house who blames Y2K for him missing, he goes to the cryogenics lab and nothing. As we see these flashbacks, Fry goes through a few hoops to reclaim his dog from the museum and after his success decides that he will clone him. Bender is quite jealous and tries a few times to stop it, realizing how much the dog meant to Fry he saves the dog and allows the cloning to begin. Fry then discovers that the dog is fifteen meaning he lived for twelve years after Fry disappeared. Assuming he found new owners and lived a good life Fry shuts down the cloning process. It is then we see that Fry's dog actually did wait for him. After the missed attempts at finding him he sat on the curb year after year waiting until he eventually passed away.

You sobbing yet?

Family Guy decided to kill off one of the primary characters of the show. After travelling in the time machine with Brian and almost being assassinated by Native American's with guns, Stewie decides that it's time to destroy the machine. He feels it has caused enough near-death experiences and he'd rather not take that risk anymore. Brian is quite surprised by this and also a little sad, it's the end of an era. When they take it to the junkyard for the final burial in the trash compactor, Brian sees a lot of perfectly good stuff. They take home a barely used street hockey net. While setting it up outside, a car comes out of nowhere and slams into the dog. Stewie tries to save him but once he reaches the hospital it is told he doesn't have long to live. The family says their goodbyes and goes home to try and cope with the loss. A month passes and they're still not quite adjusted when Lois suggests maybe looking for a replacement pet. Stewie isn't okay with this, he feels responsible for the death and when he tries to rebuild his time machine he finds out that some of the parts needed are no longer available. He has to accept that won't be coming back. The family goes to the pet store and they come home with a new dog named Vinny. Vinny seems like a genuine spirit and tries his best to fit in with the family. All of them like him with the exception of Stewie. He cries out in the backyard missing his friend and tells Vinny that even though he seems nice he isn't Brian and he is upset the rest of the family moved on so quickly. Vinny shares a story about his own owner passing away and in the pet store he sensed that the family was going through the same troubles. He thought maybe they could help each other with their grief and Stewie seems to show signs that he will be able to move on.

More sobbing, I know.

Characters



Seymour vs Brian - the dog. It's almost an unfair comparison because if you watch either show you're probably closer to Brian overall. He was in every episode, had a lot of prominent plot lines, so I think his death hit a bit harder. Doesn't mean that Seymour's wasn't tragic. Waiting year after year for your master to come back, and the audience just hearing about it now? That being said, call me nuts, but I'm going with Seymour, but honestly just barely.



Fry vs Stewie - the close companion. I will side with Stewie. Fry seemed to have moved on as soon as he figured his dog must have as well, even if it wasn't the case. Stewie didn't want to adjust and it took a new friend and kind words to get him to accept it, but when he lost it in the backyard thinking he was alone, my heart dropped.

Breakdown

The death - Both were sad, there is no denying that. Brian's was quick and Seymour's was dragged out over twelve years. That says something so Seymour takes this.

The bring-back - Brian. Stewie was ridiculously upset when he couldn't fix his time machine realizing that Brian was gone for good. Fry did try and made a really good effort but considering so much time had past it was a little underwhelming.

The realization - I've said it before, when Stewie began sobbing over the loss of his best friend it took me. It was really hard, and Fry's decision to stop the cloning process, maybe not so much, but that final montage of Seymour growing older and older waiting for Fry, the realization to us all what had actually happened wins on all levels.

By one and one only, Futurama wins this one. And I'm very much okay with that though both were really tearful. If you can stand it I do recommend both of these, just know you will sob. And kudos to both shows for putting regular potty humor aside to focus on the story. Super super good.

VERSUS // thanksgiving dinner: cheers vs frasier

For this comparison I was lucky to find sitcoms that go together better than I could have dreamed. Considering one is a spin-off of the other it wasn't too hard, I am just glad that I was able to bring them together for this festive versus.

I am an avid Frasier fan, Cheers however hasn't entered my Netflix queue just yet. I've seen random episodes here and there but haven't watched the full series. I know enough about the show to feel I could do this justice, and what better compliment to Cheers than Frasier? I don't think there is one, unless Rhea Pearlman has a sitcom somewhere and then you can just point me in that direction next.

First we saw Mr. Crane and his bar gang enjoyed the festivities on the Cheers episode Thanksgiving Orphans (S05e09) and then Frasier celebrated again in A Lillith Thanksgiving (S04E07).



Plot

In Cheers, Diane arrives for work and declares that she is one of the lucky students chosen by her professor to reenact the first Thanksgiving at his house. Not wanting to see her co-workers and friends without companionship she plans them all a get-together at Carla's home. Carla is without the kids, Sam has a date, much to Diane's chagrin, but agrees to take part. Norm says he'll try and get his wife Vera to come despite her wanting to spend the holiday at the in-laws yet again. Frasier seems to have a really pessimistic attitude surrounding the holidays, I wonder where that comes from? They all arrive at Carla's and begin watching the game. With each new person that shows up the television gets moved. Norm arrives sans Vera, she still went to her mothers but he made sure to let her know that she was welcome. Sam shows up without his date, too. Enter Diane. Turns out her big dinner was just her and the other students service as the wait staff. She fled and even when her professor called and invited her back she stayed, despite everybody pleading for her to go. She didn't even bother to change out of her pilgrim attire. She gets annoyed with sports and wants to do things her way. Since the turkey is taking forever because Norm brought it in barely defrosted (the little pop thing won't pop), they all gather around the table to say what they're thankful for. No one is answering to Diane's liking so she takes it upon herself to list all of the French people that have influenced her in addition to her friends and family. Once they sit they start to dig in and the table erupts in a food fight mainly instigated by Carla. She gets cranberried and vows that she will return the revenge on Sam when he least expects it. Vera arrives for the end of the festivities and thinking she's going to nail Sam with the pie, he ducks just enough for Vera to get it in the face. What a nice welcome for her, now Norm won't be able to go anywhere again.

Frasier tries to be traditional but goes off course. Original plans consist of a rustic adventure in the Crane cabin but they are squashed when Lilith calls and announces that Frederick has the opportunity to get into the exclusive Marbury Academy and the only time that she and Frasier can meet with the headmaster is the morning of Thanksgiving. With that, Frasier, Niles and Martin all head out to Boston with Daphne going to San Fran to visit her cross-dressing uncle and Roz house-sitting. This is Nile's first Thanksgiving without Maris so he is feeling a little sensitive so when they arrive Lilith puts him on Turkey duty (not as a means of distraction per se, but I like to think of it that way). Niles has no idea what he's doing but makes due while Martin takes Freddy out to play some ball. Frasier and Lilith go to their meeting and it goes rather well until they get home and realize that maybe they didn't stress how important this school is to them. They decide to go back which is good because Martin hit Freddy in the eye with his baseball and then immediately after, Niles got him in the face with the refrigerator door. To make him feel better they let him lick the spoon of some concoction Niles is cooking up just for him to break out in hives. Frasier and Lilith make jerks out of themselves with the headmaster which causes him to give them his decision now, Freddy is a no. They can't take that for an answer and knowing that the headmaster is needing a turkey for his feast they race home, grab Niles' turkey from the oven and take it back to him, which terrifies Niles. Back at the headmaster's, they bring in the turkey which inevitably causes a fight between all of the patrons there (members and non-members of the Marbury Academy alike) and finally the headmaster agrees to let them in as long as they agree to never be present for any of Freddy's extracurricular activities. They agree and it's a Thanksgiving miracle!

Characters



Frasier Crane vs Frasier Crane - The Frasier. I think I do have to give Frasier from Frasier this one mainly because he is the primary character and oddly enough less annoying to me. He didn't seem as down on the holiday, probably because of Freddy, and seemed to be in better spirits. Good job Frasier (that'll get confusing, I'm sure at some point).



Carla Tortelli vs Lilith Sternin - The host. I think Carla was a better host. She had television and beer and couches. Lilith delegated all of her hosting duties to Niles and dragged Frasier out of the house. Granted it was for the benefit of their son, but if we're talking host here, Carla takes it.



Niles Crane vs Norm Peterson - The turkey man. Niles. Sorry, Norm, at least Niles got the turkey brown and I will assume that the little pop thing actually popped in this case.

Breakdown

Actual feast - Cheers gets it. They actually had a sit-down dinner even if it did erupt in a food fight. All the fixens were there even if the turkey took forever and may have been raw, it still was a legitimate dinner as we've all come to know. Niles tried, and where he did win the turkey man above, there was never a sit-down for us to see, unless you count the headmaster's, but I don't.

Overall festiveness - The actual Thanksgiving festive feel was really only present in Cheers. There was football, beer, pilgrims, fighting, none of this really present in Frasier except for fighting and Frasier fights with Lilith all the time.

Thanks given - I will give this to Frasier despite having a busy Thanksgiving with no food and lots of medicine for Freddy I think with the outcome of their meeting with the headmaster both Frasier and Lilith were giving many thanks that day. And I'm sure that Niles was thankful to know that his turkey went to good use.

VERSUS // murder mystery weekends: the golden girls vs saved by the bell

Are murder mystery weekends still a thing? How can I sign up for these? And by the way, neither one of these even last a full weekend, it's like murder mystery overnight, at best.

Two of my all-time favorite shows growing up both had their own rendition of a murder mystery weekend. First The Golden Girls with The Case of the Libertine Belle (S07E02) and then Saved By The Bell with the more obviously titled Mystery Weekend (S05E13). Both alike in so many ways but each putting a spin on it to differ them just enough.

Let's begin, shall we?


Always shoving the tall, smart ones in the corner.

Plot

The gist of both of these is that the collective gang embarks on a classy weekend trip involving a murder mystery dinner theater. The entire group is among people that may or may not be actors and are active participants in solving a fictional mystery. In both cases during the dinner there is a "snag" and there ends up being what is discussed as a "real" murder. Everyone is scared and worried about what is happening but come to find out that in the end, "the game had never stopped" (this was literal dialogue from the Saved By The Bell episode, word for word, The Golden Girls just implied it).

So we'll start there, in Saved By The Bell Lisa wins a radio contest that grants her the tickets to the dinner whereas in The Golden Girls Blanche plans the entire thing as a social outing for her museum colleagues. She mainly is trying to win the affections of her boss, Kendall Nesbitt to gain a promotion and she figures that this weekend will cast a positive light on her plunging neckline.

Throughout both shows, there is a know-it-all that starts to think that they have the winner pegged from the beginning. Dorothy for Team Golden (obviously, and who are you to judge her!?!?) and Zack for Team Bell.

We'll start Golden. The purpose of this fake weekend is the club-goers are celebrating the marriage of a wealthy older gentleman to a much younger gal named Candy. Both of his children in attendance, neither of which approve of the marriage seem to take matters in to their own hands. Blanche's rival for the promotion, Posey McGlin, seems to have the murder figured out, but in the end it is Dorothy that points out her mistakes and solves the mystery. Of course she does. Things take a turn. Blanche gives her key to Kendall so they can have some private time, only for the waiter to discover him dead on her bed with a steak knife to the heart. This isn't real, this isn't supposed to happen. Dorothy even tests his breath by putting a mirror to his nose which in turn does not fog up (she uses this on her mother every morning, if it fogs up, she starts the coffee). And since Blanche was the only one in the room, she becomes the prime suspect. Dun, dun, dun. Everything just got real. Everyone convenes back in the dining room, police and private investigators show up to reconstruct the murder. Blanche is guilty, they have enough evidence to make an arrest. Posey doesn't help, she admits she already had the job that Kendall was proposing to Blanche and that Blanche must have found out, invited him to her room, flung her dress on the bed to seduce him and then murdered him in a jealous rage! The police completely believe her because why not! Dorothy then, being the badass she of course is, reveals that the only people that saw the room after it was roped off were the cops and the girls...so how could Posey know the condition of Blanche's dress on the bed? She then correctly reconstructs the murder: Blanche in the shower, Posey finds out that Kendall came to Blanche's room so she knocks at the door. Thinking it was the champagne he ordered that the waiter delivered, he answers and Posey stabs him in the heart. Turns out Dorothy is right so of course Posey tries to shoot her! The cops intervene and it is revealed that Kendall is still alive and this was all part of the game! Blanche tries to admit that she was in on it too, but alas she was left in the dark, and still has a chance at the promotion.

Now as for SBTB Zack starts to piece things together but much to his chagrin keeps getting proved wrong by the people he selects being offed. The piano player dies by his drink. The waitress brought the drink. The butler poured the drink and then, the butler promptly dies. Poor Zack, you know he hates being wrong. Now for them, the turn starts with one of the visitors (Mrs. Bankhead) necklace being stolen. Mr. Jameson, the curator, promptly stops the game as this was not supposed to happen. He offers Lisa (and Zack, for some weird reason) some free vouchers for another weekend and when Zack shows up in his office to claim them he disappears, but not after giving him the voucher envelope which actually has prize money, inevitably framing Zack. Enter the police. Zack tries to prove his innocence and advises them that Lisa can be his alibi, Jameson told her about the vouchers. They go to the room where he left Lisa and she is nowhere to be seen but has left behind her fancy watch among all of Zack's things. What else is found? Mrs. Bankhead's necklace! Everyone gathers in the dining room (is there anywhere else?) where the police begin to interrogate Zack. They go back through the sequence of events and in Jameson's office find one of his cigarettes and two drinks, all marked with lipstick. One of the glasses contains a mango tonic with a kiwi twist, something that Lisa has been sipping on all night. So who else was in on it? Who was the other woman drinking with Lisa? Jameson in drag of course! He is revealed as one of the police investigators, along with the butler posing as the other cop. Lisa reveals herself and congratulates him on his victory. He totally nailed it and it's now clear (as if it totally wasn't before) that the SBTB universe loves their dressing in drag. Progressive, guys.

Characters



Dorothy Zbornak vs Zack Morris - The solver. It's really tough to do but I must side with Zack. Dorothy uses all of her amazing book knowledge to solve this mystery like a boss. And it was a hard mystery, there were a lot of little details she noticed, such as the hand a wristwatch is worn on indicating if they're right or left-handed. Zack does have a hiccup being he is also the one being blamed for the murder so the fact that he is able to solve it under than kind of pressure is pretty sweet. Maybe it's because he felt compelled to clear his name, either way he did a really good job. That just puts him a tiny bit above Dorothy because really, figuring out that Jameson was wearing a wig wasn't terribly hard, but if you're being accused of killing someone it may not be the first thing on your mind.



Blanche Deveraux vs Lisa Turtle - The participant. I will go with Blanche on this one. Lisa didn't really have to do much but make herself scarce by crawling into a secret passage, playing dumb a few times and making sure she orders her mango tonic with a kiwi twist (who knew that would be the giveaway? And sidenote they almost make it seem like it's an alcoholic beverage by the way that Jesse and Kelly scoff at her order choice, it drives me nuts. It isn't vodka, kids). Blanche was made to think that she was a suspect and honestly seemed scared out of her mind. She really couldn't even form a complete sentence to vouch for her innocence, she had to have Dorothy do that. She should win something, even if it is just in this blog post.

The Extras

When it comes to the extras besides the primary cast, I've gotta give this one to Saved By The Bell. They seemed to be a little more quirky in having the staff of the hotel dress in drag and mustaches and somehow get away with not being revealed as their true identity. Either that or the kids are really clueless. Could be both.

Breakdown

Actual mystery - This one goes to The Golden Girls. See, Saved By The Bell didn't really have a "real" mystery. They had the fake ones that happened at the beginning that were never totally solved, it was more the mystery of the disappearance of Lisa and Mr. Jameson, whereas The Golden Girls were tricked the whole time into thinking one of them really had been killed. I don't even think Dorothy knew until the very end that it was still a game.

The initial dinner murder - Again, goes to Golden. There was a lot more thought put into theirs and the reconstructions were much better conveyed than they were on SBTB.

The big reveal - Again, Golden you have this one. Thinking that Nesbitt is actually dead and then BAM he is alive and pulls his own murder weapon from his chest? Blanche looked like she was going to faint. That had much more of a reaction than Lisa walking out of the fireplace like hello I did not actually disappear! Super, you can go back to the mall now!

Wow, almost a sweep? As much as I love both of these shows, discovering them around the same time and relating to each in a different way I'm really happy that The Golden Girls came out on top. Good for them, the old bags.

VERSUS // grease vs grease 2

This first "versus" piece is basically propaganda to get people to watch/appreciate/fall in love with Grease 2. Hope you don't mind.

Growing up I was introduced to Grease 2 long before I was aware there was a Grease. And in truth, I was really only let in on the last 10 minutes of Grease 2 so you can imagine my surprise when I learned not only was there a whole pre-story, but also a whole other movie! My mind was blown at eight years old, thanks mom.

Now that I'm a little more seasoned on both films, I think that my introduction played a large part in my love for the sequel over the original. Even so, I find it to be much more relate-able as well as just all around more fun. I realize I'm in the minority in this. I've asked several people. Everyone loves Grease. Most people haven't heard of Grease 2. So if you wouldn't mind doing me a solid maybe I can shed a little light on this miraculous movie that does not get the credit that it deserves.

Plot

The plots are similar for the most part. Foreign exchange student comes to Rydell High. Meets/flings/loves the cool leader of their respective clique, feels like maybe their in over their head so in the end, try really hard to impress their cool love despite objections from the friends of their cool love and win their heart at the end of school party!

Now for Grease the foreign exchange student is Sandy Olsen (Olivia Newton-John) from Australia. She is friends with Frenchy (Didi Conn) and over the summer before school starts she meets Danny Zuko (John Travolta). They kiss a lot on the beach and she thinks she is going back home but ends up staying for the school year. She reconnects with Danny who is a total douchebag to her, so she tries to move past it and with a few failed attempts at getting back together she finally has to change her image and become a badass hottie in black spandex who grinds on him at a school-sponsored carnival.

In Grease 2 we meet Michael Carrington (Maxwell Caulfield), cousin of Sandy (though he's British). He is shown around by Frenchy (because she flunked out a few years earlier so here she is again - and sidenote so was Eugene, how did the epic nerd not graduate? Maybe he was a student aid this time around, ok moving on...) and also meets the lovely Stephanie Zinone (Michelle Pfieffer). They had no summer romance but in trying to woo her he catches on earlier than Sandy did that he also should probably revamp his image to get her in the end. He becomes a badass hottie that can ride a motorcycle and is accepted by everyone during their school-sponsored luau despite the fact that he broke a lot of stuff.

Characters

Lets start with the leads.



Sandy vs Michael - Both are pretty wide-eyed when they show up to America but the difference with these two is that Sandy actually tries to get Danny to like her before deciding she needs to change for him. Maybe it's because she had the time with him over the summer and realized that he could probably remember that he did like her, too? On the other hand, Michael did not have any summer lovin', so Stephanie really has no clue what he's about, so he has the freedom to create any image for her that she'd like? As attractive as Michael is, I would probably have to side with Sandy on this one.



Danny vs Stephanie - Both of them are kind of jerks. Danny is outright rude to Sandy when he finds out she's arrived at Rydell during a pep rally. Not wanting to come off as a loser in love he basically blows her off like their romance didn't even phase him, he does this all the time. Stephanie for the most part is nice to Michael though she kind of flirts with him to piss off her ex-boyfriend, but she never really calls him out, she just tells him that she isn't interested, it's his fault for not taking a hint.



T-Birds 1 vs T-Birds 2 - Besides the main characters we have the head T-Bird, the one that kind of rules them all. Kenicke and Nogerelli. Both have pretty dope names, but I think when it comes down to it Nogerelli has a smarter head on his shoulders, but Kenicke is a bit softer. Grease 2 gives their Birds a bit more of a story line with a few songs (granted there is a talent show) and they each get their own lovely woman. And I would say that they also had Birds that went on to have a few more successful careers. Christopher McDonald has been in a slew of things, Adrian Zmed had some success as a regular on TJ Hooker as well. Good for them! All Kenicke did was go on Celebrity Rehab.



Pink Ladies 1 vs Pink Ladies 2 - Again, besides the main characters the lead Ladies couldn't be further from different. Rizzo (Stockard Channing) can do no wrong. Lover of the sequel or not, there will never be another Rizzo. Sharon (Maureen Teefy) was one of my favorites but she was far more prudish than Rizzo was, though I'm guessing that's not hard. As for the others, again the Grease 2 ladies had more success after, too. Pamela Adlon was BOBBY HILL in King of the Hill. I don't think anyone will realize my excitement when I discovered this. She's done a lot of voice work and writing on things like Louie. Lorna Luft was the daughter of Judy Garland and sister to Liza Minelli and had some mediocre success doing guest spots in the 90's. Either way I don't think any of them went to rehab.

The Faculty - The faculty is in large part the same from movie to movie. Same principal and assistant (though in the sequel Blanche seems to have lost it a bit), same coach. We see more interactions with teachers in the sequel too and with that comes more teachers. Super sexy Miss Mason (Connie Stevens) and awkward Mr. Stuart (Tab Hunter - HIS NAME IS TAB!). For that alone, Grease 2 wins.

The Music

This is probably the toughest call. Trying really hard to put my personal feelings aside, this needs to be looked at logically. If we take that route almost anyone will side with Grease. The songs are very much renowned in pop culture, everyone knows the songs even if you've never seen the flick. Summer Nights and You're The One That I Want have been used countless times, Greased Lightening made a cameo in Home Improvement! The songs are go-to for any karaoke aficionado. The songs are timeless, you cannot argue with that. BUT. If you listen to the songs in Grease 2, while cheesy, they actually do a better job of telling the story. And in my opinion that is probably why they're not as able to crossover and be welcomed into other situations. They seem to be written to honestly move everything forward. They do a better job of supporting the plot, even though when you think about it, a lot of songs from Grease are meant for this as well, they just try to be a little more subtle about it. That really doesn't make them better or worse but it sure does give Grease 2 a disadvantage. Plus Grease 2 is much more sexual a movie. They have a song called Reproduction for God's sake, that's hilarious (sidenote, we had our copy recorded from TBS and that song was cut so I didn't find out about it until much later) and one of the Birds basically begs his Lady to do it with him for the sake of America. That's gold. And I'm pretty sure no one would pick Michelle Pfieffer over Olivia Newton-John vocally however I think that Michelle Pfieffer certainly holds her own.

Opening song - Grease vs Back To School Again

Back To School because it isn't a cartoon and has sweet dance moves.

Super random but I think fun song - Beauty School Dropout vs Score Tonight

Score Tonight because bowling.

Lovers quarrel song - Sandy vs Cool Rider

OBVIOUSLY Cool Rider. What teenager in the 80's did not want to be her for at least a second.

Longing for love song - Hopelessly Devoted To You vs Charades

Charades sucks. It's one song I was super glad was cut from the TBS version, seriously Hopelessly Devoted To You kicks it's ass.

Questioning your sexual decisions song - There Are Worse Things I Could Do vs Let's Do It For Our Country.

Honestly I really want to go with Let's Do It For Our Country on this one because growing up I found that song amazing, but any song that Rizzo sings, especially when heartfelt, makes it really hard so I'm going to call it a draw.

T-Bird song - Greased Lightening vs Prowlin'

Greased Lightening, hands down.

Pink Lady song - Look At Me I'm Sandra Dee vs A Girl For All Seasons

Sigh. As much as I love the Rydell High talent show in Grease 2 probably should side with Sandra Dee because...Rizzo.

Battle song - Summer Nights vs Who's That Guy

Who's that Guy because it's dark and mysterious and there is a fog machine. Just kidding, it's a tie. Summer Nights is amazing and classic even if I do get sick of it on occasion.

Final love song - You're The One That I Want vs We'll Be Together

Go ahead, hate me for picking We'll Be Together. But it was the first song I'd ever heard (that 10 minutes above I mentioned) and it's where I learned the word "certainer". Plus when they're all jumping at the end? I've tried to recreate those jumps more times than I can count.

Granted a lot of this is propaganda to try and get everyone to love Grease 2 as much as I do, which I also realize is a lost cause, but regardless of that it's a stand up movie. Its too far under the radar to be a cult classic, but not enough to not be made fun of. If given a fair shot I've found a lot of people can enjoy it! That's all I want, so please, go rent it from your local video store and make it a Blockbuster night!

Too soon?