how to make a halloween costume with little effort, some creativity and just praying that people watch as much television as you do

You have two days left to come up with a good costume. All of the Heisenberg's and the Daenarys's are taken and you need something clever in a hurry. RIGHT. Well I came across this photo on the Huffington Post's TV tumblr and it gave me a few ideas.



How easy/fun is that? Most people know the Cheers credits, and there are a few others out there you could replicate as well that would be fairly well known.



1. "Executive Producer Vince Gilligan" - since Breaking Bad is still hot right now and it's easier and more out there than just being Heisenberg. Unless you're a sexy Heisenberg.



2. "Executive Producer Dick Wolf" - who hasn't seen at least one variation of the multiple variations of Law & Order?

3. Why not just wear a black t-shirt (as seen above, but without the caption) and go as the infamous Soprano's ending? Just make sure you crank some Journey.

That's a good start, right? You can always get slightly more creative when it comes down to it.

4. Be completely animated in only 6-second intervals and just go as a Vine video. Namely a Chris D'Elia or a Batdad video because they are the best.

Okay step it up just sliiightly more.

5. Dress yourself in blue and be meth. Yes, I went there, be meth from Breaking Bad and extra points for crystalizing yourself in any way or wrapping yourself in a plastic bag. And if you have leftover plastic why not lend it to a friend...?

6. ...so they can go as a Dexter victim, even a sexy Dexter victim because obviously you're wearing plastic. More extra points for blood.

7. Why not just find something of a period piece and go as a victim of Game Of Throne's Red Wedding? Wait for it...OF COURSE EXTRA POINTS FOR BLOOD AGAIN!

8. Or the last one, the easiest of all of them. Print out a piece of paper that says "muggle". Wrap around neck. Easy enough, just don't blame me if someone dressed as Draco Malfoy calls you names. But you're an adult and you can take it, right?

9. And out of all of the wrecking ball costume attempts (including the pug we all love) this human variation may be my favorite.



This and other wrecking ball ideas found here.

the ending of my relationship with dexter

**WARNING: SO MANY SPOILERS**


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Dear Dexter,

I feel like we have been through so much in our short time together. Obviously when I say short I am referring to the fact that we've only been in contact about three and a half years. I binged through your first five seasons, enthralled, couldn't get enough. And when I was finally on the same viewing schedule as most in the Dexter world, you seemed to start giving up on your end of the bargain. You didn't seem to want to deliver as you once had. No longer did you hold every shred of attention I could muster up in fifty-eight minutes. I started growing tired of your redundancy, yet something told me I had to hang on. I couldn't give up just yet.

Now, a few days after your finale I try to find the words to send you off. I can't say that I was disappointed in your ending, however I can't say that I was satisfied either. Where is the middle ground on those two feelings? Is there one? I had waited for this tome come, being somewhat distracted with another show airing on Sunday nights, one with far superior writing, at least as of late. Was that the problem? Did I become too involved with Breaking Bad that I forgot about you? The show that taught me how anxiety and television could mix so well? Maybe it was so, and for that I am sorry. I'm sorry Dexter. I am sorry for not investing in you as I once had, but I also feel you're partially to blame. You didn't move me like you used to. Something has changed. We've grown apart.

I am happy to know that the majority of the loose ends were tied, however not giving me a proper farewell to Masuka and Batista and hell, even Quinn, wasn't very kind of you. And what about Harrison? Are your colleagues supposed to think that you'd just sailed off into your inevitable demise with your son in tow? You couldn't deal with the loss of your sister so you had to off yourself and your son, at least, according to them? Hopefully Hannah takes care of him the way she should. I am thankful to know that at least two of them seemed to confirm that you are indeed a killer. Quinn always thought he knew that about you and when you finally proved him right it seemed a little lackluster. A pen, Dexter? Okay. A pen. Thank you so much Quinn and Batista for acknowledging this little tidbit with poise and grace.

And considering you're in constant survival mode, I am not the least bit surprised that you survived the storm. I am slightly surprised, however, that you managed to end up living a life so painfully opposite from where you were before. Or maybe that's just how I feel we were led to believe.

I do want to say thank you for the years of entertainment, the binge watching and the surprises. And even for the slower moments, because deep down I knew you were still in there and every once in a while I would catch a glimpse of the show I once knew.

I still wish we could have had one last scene with you surrounded by all that you'd removed from the earth, mainly Doakes and Trinity and Lila. Even seeing Rita smiling at you, proud you'd raised her son well (until you handed her off to another serial killer, that is).

I wish you well, and good luck with your beard. I hope that life takes you back to your son at some point. You're not a bad guy, Dexter, and the show was not bad either. Sometimes these things just need to end before they do, but I think, all things considered, you ended with great dignity.

Love, Jordan.

dexter home evening

It is one of my favorite days of the week.

things that ruined my life - my top 6

In the past I've usually done top 9's. Sometimes, 9 is just too much, so weekly now I will be wowing you with some form of another of a top 6 countdown. I figure what better way to start than with top 6 things that ruined my life - television edition. In no particular order...


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1. The Golden Girls - I will never be Dorothy Zbornak. Seriously, it's upsetting to me. Since I was nine she has been a woman of great knowledge, someone I have looked up to repeatedly. "So far today I have turned down every job in the county that didn't involve selling cocaine." She is brilliant. She has humor and wit, charisma, and she can snap a friends neck like a twig. She is self-sufficient, but not enough to be annoying. That's a quality most of us strive to achieve and I have strived and strived, but I will always be a little needy. I'm sorry, Dorothy, I hope you'll forgive me.


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2. Sex and The City - I will never afford Carrie's shoes/wardrobe or have her career. I also know that I cannot live on a weekly column writers salary and still afford all the fancy meals and fancy shoes she takes in on a daily basis. That is not realistic, writers are lucky if they make any money at all! "I've spent forty thousand dollars on shoes and I have no place to live? I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes." That would be me, I'd be "a bag lady, a fendi bag lady, but a bag lady." Good lord, SHE IS WHY I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.


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3. Roswell - Aliens aren't real...or are they? Ever since I was fourteen I've been wondering that. Now days, anything involving the paranormal intrigues me be it aliens, ghosts, you name it. So now that we know where that stemmed from, I am constantly questioning everything in the universe because HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF ALIENS WERE REAL? "We're not from around here..." Seriously when Max Evans uttered those words I was floored. As Liz casually asked "Where are you from?" I was yelling it at the screen, "YES WHERE ARE YOU FROM." I didn't trust them. I know better now that aliens are our friends (well, most of them, excluding Romulans but we'll get to that) and they can help us discover things. Discovering things is good, right? Speaking of...


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4. Star Trek: TNG - so what if i want to attend starfleet academy? Why can't I be a telepath? So many unanswered questions in the universe. I want to be a Starfleet captain, I think I can learn from Captain Jean-Luc Picard, he is way smarter than Captain Kirk, ask Sheldon Cooper. "Make it so, number one." AND HE LIKES TEA. "Tea, earl grey, hot." You cannot go wrong with that.


via 5. Gilmore Girls - You can't be best friends with everyone in your city, you just can't, plus I cannot come up with witty comments that quickly. I want to invent my own catchphrase "Oy, with the poodles already." I want a weird town Kirk (not to be confused with the Captain) to make shirts that says what people in my town are doing "Babette ate oatmeal." What amazing comradery that is.


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6. Dexter - for all I know, my brother is a serial killer. Or my neighbor. If I didn't learn to "trust no one" from the X-Files (which contradicts Roswell, but whatever), then I would learn that from Dexter Morgan. He comes off as the sweetest, most upstanding dude, yet little does anyone know of his "dark passenger". Now that's just it, I believe he is a sweet, upstanding dude, he just has a Boondock Saints vibe about him wanting to get rid of the horrible scum that walks the earth. I am so torn with him, yet can't help but wait for what happens next. He also makes me really want to buy a Dodge.

an (un)expected plot twist?

Spoilers ahead for the most recent episode of Dexter, just a warning...


super old cast, yo

Alright so needless to say, Zack and I have been quite disappointed with this season of Dexter. This is hard for me to say because we've been avidly watching the show since last year, we busted out five seasons in a matter of a few months, and this is the first time we've actually had to watch it as it airs. We were worried that we wouldn't be able to wait the, gasp, seven days between episodes but as the season went on we were finding ourselves less and less likely to remember it was even on. However....

...the most recent episode blew us away. We never saw what happened even coming. What? Really? Hasn't that been done before here and oh, yeah, here? Yeah...well, even so, we were baffled. Apparently though, there were quite a few people that totally DID see it coming and it seems as if the writers weren't too subtle about it as well. Oh well, I'll accept the fact that I can be dense. This article points out quite a few of the events leading up to this episode that we all should have seen coming. Enjoy!

Thank you for pointing out how smart I am.

Now, just for fun and because I think the Dexter opening credits is one of the coolest credits out there, here is some dude's rendition of it. Even cooler than the article. And time consuming, I imagine.

this may be the best post ever

...and will also confirm my geekiness. Sometimes my dearface friend Star and I have weird conversations through text messages about television. Considering our friendship was based on pop culture it makes sense that our discussions often revolve around something in that vicinity.

I've been trying to convince her to watch Revenge because it is oh so good. Our other mutual friend Meg advised me to watch it, mainly because one of our favorite characters from our once favorite, now unknown show Roswell (aka that show that Katherine Heigl was on before Grey's Anatomy) had a leading role. That dude would be Nick Wecshler. Oh how much we loved his Roswell character Kyle Valenti. The sherrif's son, he was on the football AND basketball team, at first he was loathed and then he was love, especially after embracing Buddhism. By the time that series was over (long overdue after a really crappy 3rd season), he was one of the few characters I still liked, and I'd been wondering what had happened to him. Now I know...he moved to the Hamptons and got a job as a bartender. Let me back up...

Roswell was a show that began in 1999 on the WB. Some would consider the time that Roswell was on the air my "glory days" and actually, maybe they were. My friend Regina and I were basically obsessed with it, watching it every week, pretending we were the characters and dressing/acting like them daily, and watching the recorded episodes over and over each week (note that all of my recorded videos of Roswell are presently in my garage, I hope they never get stolen). We grew a bond with these characters and when the show ended I think we cried for days. That being said...the show was about four aliens (Max, Michael, Isabel and Tess) and their human friends that knew their secret (Liz, Maria, Alex, Kyle and the Sherrif, Kyle's dad). As the show came to an end, the aliens and their human counterparts (minus Tess and Alex because they were dead and the Sherrif because well, he needed to be the Sherrif) took off on a journey far away from New Mexico with no explanation as to what they were going to do for work, what kind of health care plan they received and if they bought a Subaru or a Toyota. So Regina and I and also my friend Star thought of the next logical step...we figured it out for them.

Clearly Isabel Evans (Katherine Heigl) went to medical school, changed her name and became Dr. Isobel Stevens (too much of a coincidence in that name). She moved to Seattle and eventually got cancer and then left.



Other resident alien Tess Harding (Emilie de Ravin) was resurrected from the dead and sent off to Austrailia where she re-learned her native tongue and got pregnant with a child only to crash on a freaky remote island and I think eventually die...again (I cannot confirm this).



Alex Whitman (Colin Hanks) was also resurrected into a born again psycho-Christian who now kills people in Florida. He is being stalked by the one, the only, Dexter Morgan. Eep!



That is really as far as it got, but now we know where Kyle Valenti ended up! He grew some facial hear, moved to the Hamptons and was adopted by a nice bar owner and acquired a dorky little brother. He also learned to sail. It is interesting catching up with him week to week, though I'm sad he did not contiue following the teachings of Buddha.



Now, that being said, I've been trying to convince Star that she should watch this show. Apparently she did not know that Kyle Valenti was on this show so I did my best to enlighten her.

Me: Have you ever watched Revenge?
Star: No, the actress on it has bugged me ever since Everwood.
Me: Oh she was on Everwood. BUT KYLE VALENTI IS IN IT.
Star: Kyle is in it? Please tell me he is not a parent.
Me: No, he is a badass bartender with shaggy hair and a slight scruff. He did well for himself.

And then when we recapped: No Revenge. But Kyle! Does Kyle have babies? No he has scruff. Rowr.

Aaaaaaand scene.

This is not the first time a conversation like this has happened and I am sure there will be many more. I had too much fun writing this.