i have the block

via

Blanche: Well now I know why Hemmingway killed himself. Oh, girls, I have Writer's Block! It is the worst feeling in the world!
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
Blanche: You just sit there, hour after hour after hour!
Sophia: Tell me about it.
Dorothy: How much have you written?
Blanche: Well, nothing. That's how I know I have writers block.
Dorothy: Blanche, you have to have written something to have writers block, otherwise we all have it.

Best way to put it. I don't usually talk about the writing I do away from the blog here, but I thought it's about time. Going through this entire process I know I'm going to need an outlet so I'm going to start utilizing it as of this moment.

I. Cannot. Figure. Out. What. To. Write.

I have finally figured out the genre and the layout and have settled on essay format (hey, Jordan's book of essays, rush to the store NOW) however I've started about seven essays, none of which I can complete. I am just staring at them blankly like "Okay, now what? and they're staring back at me like "Hey, this is your thing, you should know what you're writing" and now I'm like okay, I spent too much time deciding on what the front cover would look like, but what's the point if there is nothing to go on the pages in between.

I made my goal this year to finish the first draft of the book by December. I think that is a really believable goal, however even if I write one essay a month that's only 12 essays and I'm not sure that is enough. Also, I'm a month behind, so there's that. I'm self-taught and in need of a refreshers so now I'm scouring online tutorials to get my essay writing skills back up to par. I need to write something that others can care about, get them intrigued and wanting to read more. It's a lot harder than it sounds, I think.

I know it'll take time, and when I'm out doing something completely unrelated to writing an idea will form and I will have to write it down. Hopefully, I mean, that's how it works in other books I've read. Or movies. Or television.

I've wanted this for longer than I can say. I have wanted to write and complete SOMETHING. I want to be proud of it. I care entirely too much about this process, enough to dedicate an entire blog post to the subject after stressing that I have writers block. Ironyyyyy.

I am sure it'll pass. I'm sure the seven essays that I have started will turn into something great if I give it enough love, attention and dedication, which I am prepared to do. It's time to settle and make this goal complete, if I want it enough, which I do.