essential christmas move: the others

It goes without saying that all of these should be watched around the holidays, but if you're needing a reminder of some classics, here you are:

Home Alone 1&2 - No one forgets Kevin McCallister...except for maybe his family...twice.
The Santa Clause - Tim Allen is the master of Christmas. Between this and all the Christmas episodes of Home Improvement how could he not be?
The Nightmare Before Christmas - This movie gets a lot of play around Halloween, but don't forget, a big part of it is about Christmas!
Christmas Vacation - I'm going to admit something here. I've only seen this movie all the way through twice now. That's okay, I just spent my time watching things like Titanic on Christmas Eve, unlike every other human on this planet.
Die Hard - My family's Christmas Day staple. I can't NOT watch this after all the festivities die down.
A Christmas Story - Another essential however I did not watch this religiously as a kid either. Some say I missed out, but I'm okay with that. I can't deny it's a classic.
Jingle All The Way - I saw this in theaters. I was supposed to see Star Trek: Generations that day but it was sold out. Of course it was.
White Christmas - Bing Crosby, nothing more needs to be said.
Elf - Sigh. I am going to get a bunch of crap for this but I've also only seen this once. I AM SORRY. But you should watch it!

And the ones I mentioned before...don't forget Love Actually, Titanic and The 12 Dates of Christmas.

And while we're here, some of my favorite Christmas songs and I figured out how to make a Spotify playlist for this reason so here you go, yo!

essential christmas movie: love actually

We have all seen this movie. I saw it on a plane and it was edited and I STILL thought it was strange. Then sometime in adulthood I developed a love for it. It's full of Britain's best, so lets break them down. It's the only way to fully understand why this is their greatest cinematic achievement.



Alan Rickman - Harry
What else he's from: Die Hard, all of the Harry Potter movies, Galaxy Quest and that one King of the Hill episode when they go to the Renaissance Faire.
Why this is his best role: He's kind of a dick in this, but he is also kind of a dick in Die Hard and Harry Potter (well, until the end SPOILER). He is amazing in this movie if for no other reason than his facial expressions. He also has a willingness to help people in his office, but not help his wife.
And he says: "Are you going to dip it in yogurt? Cover it in chocolate buttoms?"

Emma Thompson - Karen
What else she's from: Sense and Sensibility, lots of the Harry Potters, Nanny McPhee, Saving Mr. Banks.
Why this is her best role: It's just sad to see how her brother is always putting her on the back burner being the Prime Minister and all, and her friend's wife just dying and then her husband is hitting on the office wench. And she keeps it all together and makes the papier mache lobster that is needed for the Christmas play.
And she says: "Now which doll should we give Daisy's little friend Emily, the one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?"



Liam Neeson - Daniel
What else he's from: Taken and Taken 2 and all future Taken sequels, Schindler's List, Batman Begins, Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace.
Why this is his best role: There isn't a terrible sequel? The way he plays the sweetest step-dad in the entire world to Sam, letting him watch Titanic all the time and supporting his new lot in life playing drums, and also honoring his late wife's wishes of the Bay City Rollers sending her off at her funeral. That's love.
And he says: "We need Kate and we need Leo and we need them now."

Thomas Sangster - Sam
What else he's from: Phineas and Ferb, Game of Thrones and the upcoming The Maze Runner.
Why this is his best role: Super adorable, and he loves love. He's really mature for his age and isn't afraid to say things like "shit" in front of his step-dad because he means business.
And he says: Not exactly a quote, but the sign hanging on his bedroom door while he practices the drums reads "Rhythm is Life" and it's a good motto I would like to adopt.



Hugh Grant - Prime Minister David
What else he's from: Every rom-com you can think of (Notting Hill, Music & Lyrics, About a Boy, Bridget Jones's Diary).
Why this is his best role: He is kind of a doofus until he shows President Billy Bob Thorton who is boss. First off, in what world is Billy Bob a President, seriously? Secondly, he forgot Doctor Who when he mentioned cool heroes of Britain and third, he can love a girl with thighs the size of tree trunks (obviously I am kidding) and he isn't afraid to squish in with her and an octopus on the way to the Christmas play.
And he says: "Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?" Oh, and he dances.



Bill Nighy - Billy Mack
What else he's from: A few Harry Potter movies, an episode of Doctor Who, The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy.
Why this is his best role: Besides having one of the most beloved Christmas songs since it's release, he isn't afraid to be real and in the end realizes his fat manager Joe is all he needs.
And he says: "Don't buy drugs...become a pop star and they give you them for free!"



Colin Firth - Jamie
What else he's from: Every British period pieces and rom-coms (Pride and Prejudice, Bridget Jones's Diary, The King's Speech).
Why this is his best role: He goes out of his way to learn a new language for the woman he loves. And does a really terrible job, but think about it, girl was cheating on him with his brother!
And he says: Well he doesn't say but his family says, "WE HATE UNCLE JAMIE."



Kiera Knightley - Juliet
What else she's from: Bend It Like Beckham, Pirates of the Caribbean, Pride and Prejudice.
Why this is her best role: She seems quite real in this and really wants her husbands bff to like her. Turns out he likes her. He's in love with her. And you know what? She kissed him after he declared his love and some may say that's wrong but I think it's perfect.
And she says: "All I need is one shot of me in a wedding gown that isn't bright turquoise."

Andrew Lincoln - Mark
What else he's from: He's a southerner on The Walking Dead!
Why this is his best role: He isn't fighting zombies and seeing ghosts. He's crippled by being in love with his bff's woman. That's tougher than zombies, man.
And he says: "To me you are perfect."



Laura Linney - Sarah
What else she's from: The Big C, The Truman Show.
Why this is her best role: She spends the moving pining after a dude she's lusted after for years (as pointed out by her boss) and once she gets him she ditches him for her mentally ill brother. I get it, it's family but girl you can have both.
And she says: "Do you love him?"



Martin Freeman - John
What else he's from: The Hobbit, Sherlock.
Why this is his best role: PORN.
And he says: "Total gridlock."



Kris Marshall - Colin Frissel
What else he's from: Death at a Funeral
Why this is his best role: Because he is Colin, God of Sex. And he has some balls to go to to American on his own and hook up with hot ladies.
And he says: "...to a fantastic place called Wisconsin."

essential christmas movie: titanic

As much as I would love to take credit for this photo it must have credit where credit is due....here.

Probably the weirdest of my holiday traditions is watching Titanic on Christmas Eve. As a kid this was the one movie that was long enough that if I watched it twice the day was pretty much over. And also as a kid I thought this movie was four hours long. It isn't. It's actual running time is 196 minutes so basically a little over three hours. That's a little sad to realize, however doesn't stop me from watching it at least once over the holiday.

I have some tips on the perfect way to incorporate this into your holiday festivities resulting in maximum passing of the time...

-It's preferable if you have a copy on VHS, only because of the two separate tapes. It takes a bit to change from tape one to tape two thus prolonging your movie marathon.
-When the story goes from old Rose telling of her past to actually viewing her past get up and preheat the oven. You're also going to bake cookies or a pie or something.
-Now that you're in a zone you can sit by and relax. Pause the film when the oven alerts you it's at the right temperature and pop in your frozen pie/pre-sliced cookies. I'm not going to make you do actual baking, it'll just feel like it.
-Resume film. Cuddle a beloved family pet or pillow. By now I'm sure you're at the part where they're down in third class dancing to awesome Irish music. Feel free to do a little jig.
-When cookies/pie/croissant is done pause film and take out of oven. Let cool through the next several scenes. I would say at least through the nudie scene.
-CHANGE TAPES (if applicable.
-Now you have the dramatic part, and cookies so you're safe, things are going to be okay!
-Find pet/pillow and cuddle again. You're going to need them. The orchestra is playing hymns, that's never a good sign. Remember when the old couple are holding each other when water swirls around them? MY HEART. Speaking of...
-It may be helpful to also grab a cocktail. Like a gin and tonic with a piece of holly or something, because it's Christmas and gin = pine trees.
-When the ship goes under take a big gulp/shot. Remember, you're going to be spending this holiday with FAMILY.
-Take another drink/shot for good measure.
-Hey remember that stupid Hockley left the diamond in the jacket! Everybody wins!
-Now the movie is almost over. You've probably eaten all the cookies. It's okay, it's what we do. Pause the movie and get rid of your plates/napkins. Just in time for th final dream sequence.
-Aw damn the movie is over, but good news, it's almost time for your family's Christmas party!
-You can spend the night analyzing the final moments. I called it a dream sequence. Is it even a dream or is it heaven or what is it?

Merry Holidays, love Jordan.

essential christmas movie: the 12 dates of christmas

I've had a thing for Mark-Paul Gosselaar since I was probably about eight. Zack Morris was my first real-life crush (I don't count JTT, I didn't know what a crush was, I just knew Home Improvement gave me warm feelings) and it carries on to this day. It has probably helped that I rewatch my Saved by the Bell DVD's at least once a year, or the discovery of this gem of a movie.

Netflix brought The 12 Dates of Christmas into my life last year (and will probably take it away this year and you cannot buy it anywhere believe me I have looked) and I had no idea the effect it would have on me. I watched it as may times as I'd watched Love Actually which believe me, is a lot. I'll never forget the first viewing though, it was about midnight and I just wasn't tired so I watched and watched and then I sobbed and sobbed and crushed MPG and crushed MPG. And it also stands out because I wrote this post immediately after watching it, so you know I was totally emotional. That's a good thing!

A brief overview, gal gets spritzed by cheap perfume at a mall counter on Christmas Eve and is forced to relive a blind date 12 times (a la Groundhog Day). Each time is a little different but overall she learns (of course) a valuable lesson and Christmas and friends/family.

It's amazing, please watch it on Netflix if you haven't already. And then lets relive the 12 dates so that you can see what you're missing.


Date 1 - Sets up the story. Kate has been set up with a dude named Miles by her dad's girlfriend Sally. Truth is Kate isn't exactly over her ex boyfriend Jack. She's kind of a jerk. She gets spritzed at the mall and faints. On her way home she ignores all the people on the street being kind to her, also blows off her neighbors good will gestures of cake. Before the date her girlfriend comes over to talk clothes, she gets a voicemail to meet Miles at a bar, also picked out by Sally. When she arrives a nerdy gentleman mistakes her for his blind date, Phyllis. She sees Miles. Miles is cute. He tries to be sweet and ordered her a lager. She is kind of a jerk. She orders wine and says her name is Kate, not Katie. She doesn't stay long after her ex calls to trade off their mutual dog but finds out that Jack has moved on and has a new fiance, Nancy.

Date 2 - Wakes up and realizes that she gets a do-over. She knows Miles is a nice guy but still wants to hook up with Jack. She dresses for him, still hates better. In passing, Miles mentions a wife, but Kate doesn't give him any time to explain. She tries to meet up with Chad again and it's a no. When Kate confronts Sally about the wife, she explains that she had died about a year ago. Kate feels like crap.

Date 3 - This date is probably one of my favorites. Thinking something is going on because this is try 3, she shows up really early at the bar only to find Miles is there, too. She sits with him but doesn't give away her identity. She gets to hear all the good stuff about him without him really trying. She gets to hear about his wife's passing and is starting to really like this dude. She admits in a way that she isn't over her ex. She then meets up with her lonely neighbor that she is also typically a jerk too and they bake until midnight.



Date 4 - Probably still reeling off the good deed baking with her neighbor, she notices a gal in the streets she passes each day, holding a bundle of Christmas lights. Her boyfriend seems to be making from her. She hijacks the girl, skips the date and have a "girls night". Her parents come over because she ditched Miles. Miles meets her at her parents house, they walk around, talk, turns out he's an architect. She admits she's been a jerk. He thinks she has a good heart. Still talking about Jack. He tells her that she can't change fate. Back at the bar, nerdy guy, Toby, seems to know what's going on and she doesn't know how to make the night end. Miles overhears and bails.

Date 5 - She and Miles go Christmas tree shopping, decorating and attend midnight mass. It's fairly perfect.

Date 6 - One of the men who have been picking her up off the mall floor, Jim, has been so kind to her each time. She's starting to notice people and so she takes him for a walk around the gardens and they talk a bit. She figures she'll just get to do this again tomorrow so like we all wish we could, she spends a crap-ton of money on herself and others, gathers her ladies in lonely ladies apartment to bake, again. There is absolutely no date.

Date 7 - This time she tries to help out light guy. Calls Miles and says she'll meet him at his hockey gig, finding out he is a coach for inner-city kids (aw). One of the kids, Michael, bailed the other night. He laughs at her introduction of Kate, says that Sally said to call her Katie because it bugs her. They go ice skating and she wow's him with her moves. They end up at the architecture he designed in the city and the kissing begins.



Date 8 - She meets up with Chad and tells him that his new gal Nancy is great and they know they wouldn't have worked out. He tells her that he was going to propose to her but then her mother died and now he's wanting to propose to Nancy. Can't change fate. Kate realizes that their talk distracted him and he didn't buy the ring. She tries to go back and fix it, in turn making Miles think that she is a nutjob. She definitely sounds like one so Miles takes off. She goes to meet up with Nancy and Jack only to find he did propose, just without the ring.

Date 9 - She see's Toby at the bar. She goes home and watches Hoarders and then attends mass with her lonely neighbor, Margene.

Date 10 - She tries to help out light guy once again but gets a bit distracted by Michael, the missing kid from Miles's team. She tries to run after him but isn't wearing the right shoes. She decides she'll try again on her do-over tomorrow...



Date 11 - Ends up with light guy again. Follows Michael this time in running shoes and workout clothes. She is super prepared. He found a dog and can't have him at the group home. She meets Miles, again doesn't tell him who she is and he ends up ditching Kate for "Kate".

Date 12 - Jim and Margene hit it off, lonely neighbor is lonely no more! Toby gets a bit of a makeover and Kate introduces him to her friend from the beginning and they also hit it off! Light guy turned his gift of light into a proposal! She finally tells Miles she is cool with the lager. She is no longer a jerk! She apologizes to Sally for also being a jerk since she isn't anymore. She invites everyone to Christmas dinner and celebrates with all of her newly formed friendships.

And I'm assuming that she and Miles get married and have lots of sex and babies (Love Actually reference, I'm not that forward, jeez).

So again, do yourself a favor and hop on the Netflix and watch this gem 12 times before it's gone! And if anyone can find a DVD copy for sale online please point me in that direction.