It's true. I now have this inane fear of burritos, or really, anything that isn't "good for me". Stupid diet. I try, I really do. I usually have an apple for breakfast and a salad for lunch and have been good about going to the gym. I can fit into my jeans even and here I'm about to screw it up by eating a burrito. I'm terrified to eat it but I want it so bad.
Not gonna lie, folks, I have that thought almost daily. Ooh that bread bowl looks fantastic I need to ingest it right now, oh wait, it's not carb-free? I hate that I'm so afraid to put some foods in my mouth, even when I've been good with my eating. What is with that mindset? Seriously, do I have to fear every piece of bread or slice of cheese? I understand I need to incorporate more fruits and veggies into my life and eating style and I'm alright with that. I've accepted that. But why do I have to feel like the worst possible person if I eat a freaking skittle?
I can't be the only person that struggles with this so I feel posting it here is a good option. It gives me the chance to be real and vent and even though it won't happen every day, sometimes I just have to get it out there. I'll never be a size two. Hell, I'll never be a size eight again. I will always have that cursed "dancer" thigh. I can't stop liking pizza. The list goes on and on.
I didn't have a burrito today. Mostly because my work served taco salads instead. I did have a taco salad, because it is a salad, even if it's not the best salad. I didn't eat all of the shell and I sparingly ate the cheese, but I ate those beans like it was nobodies business. I need the protein! I now feel bad and wish that I hadn't indulged, but I cannot change what I have done and I really should not feel guilty. I'm afraid to wake up tomorrow and not be able to wear my jeans. I'm afraid I will have go back to leggings being justified as pants because they are the only thing that will fit my waistline. Why can't the term "eat, drink, and be merry" be logical?
In closing for now I am going to eat salads the rest of the week and hey, if I want to steal a skittle from my work neighbors cubicle I totally will and I will try to not let my Catholic guilt get in the way.
I'm sorry you have such a fear of food Jordan! I have always struggled with my weight and I have come to love food through Weight Watchers. I can literally eat whatever I want..in moderation. And I have lost 13 pounds! I'm always here to talk if you need it. :)
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you ate the beans like that... even though it is none of my business. :) Don't feel the guilt! You are doing great.
ReplyDeleteoh girl i know what you're feeling...fruits and vegetables are fine and dandy (lots are delicious even) but why oh why do the foods that are so bad for us have to taste SO. GOOD. and yep, make me feel guilty for even being tempted by them. *sigh* moderation...don't feel guilty for that taco salad, sounds like you played it smart with the shell & cheese :) keep up the good work (healthy eating)!
ReplyDeleteJust look at it this way, protein helps build muscle mass, so therefore the beans were perfectly fine to eat.
ReplyDeleteSo, a few months ago, I realized two things:
ReplyDelete1. I had gained 20 lbs since high school.
2. I love my body anyway.
So, I decided to try to eat healthier, move more, and stress less (I stress eat like my grades depend on it... and they kind of do, but that's another story). Moral of the story? Everything in moderation. Except fruits and veggies. Eat those all the time.
Also, I think you look fabulous in leggings, and they are totally pants if you want them to be pants.
oh this silly culture that we live in, that instead of sitting around creating amazing things and solving problems, we get sucked into the vortex of fearing *fearing* burritos and chocolate cake and all number of other tasty things that are marketed to us in a bombardment of delicious pictures, but if actually ingested will make us look different than the pre-pubescent models hawking our jeans.
ReplyDeleteoh that fear. *i get it*
europeans think americans are crazy when it comes to food - and they are right. we go from demonizing one food group to the next. 10 years ago it was fat, now it's carbs...
beans. rice. cheese. all healthy! all good! in fact, a perfect protein.
i went through eating *a lot* of salads (breakfast is not an apple, btw) before i had a food epiphany that i could eat rice & beans for lunch and my body came away much more happy.
my standard rule, and it's *hard* - because i personally think most of us have a crack-like addiction to sugar - is to limit my sugar and white flour intake... primarily since they provide zero nutrition.
but unfortunately, i really don't think anybody has an easy breezy time of it anymore when it comes to eating. there are too many mixed messages, and damn it, we're simply not nice and kind enough to ourselves - and maybe not to each other either.
(and now i'm going to answer your email...) x
Dear Jordan,
ReplyDeleteBe grateful you have a thyroid.
Love,
Sauerkraut
Darling, be careful that this does not become an obsession because that is very unhealthy. Eating healthy and making a "life style change" is great, but do not become afraid of food because what kind of life is that? I understand you are trying to lose weight, but even nutritionists say that you NEED to indulge once in a while.
ReplyDeleteRemember its not WHAT you eat as much as how much of it you eat.
xoxo
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/2011/11/30/20111130new-mexico-burrito-lockdown.html
ReplyDeleteRead the above article. Burritos scare me,too. Glad I've found another survivor.